Ibu Mithali

Mak kuat makan. Kuuuuusemangat dia. Apa yang tak sedap? Semua pon sedap.

Anak-anaknya pulak, kurus kecik kenot. Especially Dot. It is so difficult to make her eat.

Conclusion: when it comes to eating habits, my kids dont follow my way.
One day, at the dining table.

Everybody else had finished eating except for Dot. Sun and Yamtuan were already upstairs - ready for naps. There i was waiting around for her to finish eating and she was toying with her food and kept telling me that she had had enough (Yeah, right). Tiga was getting cranky because she wanted to nap too.

I was getting annoyed because i thought i was as deserving a nap as any of my boys and Dot was keeping me away from what i wanted.

And so i started to mengungkit. Didnt I always get her everything she wanted? Books, toys, clothes? Nak tidur kat hotel lah, nak pergi berjalan lah.. all she asked, i gave, didnt i? And we were going to Langkawi this school holiday where my kids would get their first taste of flying (albeit AirASia). Nak naik kapalterbang pon nak bawak dah minggu depan ni, i said. Mahal tau.

I only asked her to eat, was that such a difficult thing for her to do?

And i left her, carried Tiga with me upstairs.

Dot cried. Tetap tidak menghabiskan nasinya.

Later, i was in my bedroom. Tiga sleeping, Sun sleeping. Yamtuan and me were watching DVD- there was a knock at our door.

Dot came in and handed me a package- something wrapped in purple A4 paper. Written on it was 'ini duit untuk kapalterbang' and inside was RM62 from her tabung.

Cheh! tang drama, tang ego, nak pulak mencontohi ibunya.

Conclusion: when it comes to drama, carbon copy.
Ibunya sedikit malu lah. Sorry ya, baby?

Moral of the story - tak baik mengungkit.

Life in the Fast Lane

No, i am not talking about driving my Belle on the right lane. I dont drive it in the wrong lane either mind you. My lesen memandu is 'lesen memandu terhad' which means it is invalid outside of Shah Alam. And in Shah Alam, all lanes go in circle - mak oih banyaknya roundabout!

No, this is not about that type of lane. Not about my driving.

I am talking about work.

Things are so crazy topsy turvy kind of crazy lately.

Company has been restructured and since then i have been given the trust by the company to head a department. Ever since the promotion, life has not been the same. You see, i am one who takes pride in my work. I know i am reliable, i meet deadlines and produce expected results. To me, if my work is good, it means i am good. I equate the quality of me with the quality of my work. Has always been like that. I push myself against my own standards, i set it as high as i can and then push it even higher.

But now, i feel i have reached my limit. I cant push myself anymore.

Maybe because my department has 4 major portfolios. I have 4 staff. One is on maternity leave, one is heavily pregnant (always on leave, can barely walk now!), one is particular about her Job Description (what's not her KPI she wont do) and the personal assistant (strictly clerical). You see, in the end, i really only have half a staff. I am promised two more, i dont know when they'll come - in this lifetime, i hope. Because at this rate, this lifetime has perhaps been halved already.

There are toooo many things to do! I have exhausted my days and then sacrificed many nights just to keep pace with the amount of work that needs to be done. And i can only do half of the things expected from the department. I am beginning to see a slide in my deliverables. I become forgetful, i am missing deadlines and appointments, my proposals are shoddy and not as well researched as i would have liked, really bad. I am annoyed at myself probably more than how much my bosses are annoyed at me.

As much as i hate to admit this, work IS my full time job. Family has been a part time job, because i barely see them and the little time that i do spend with them, i will be too tired or still have too many things to do - even at home. I probably can steal more of their time to do office things, then perhaps i can catch up with the deadlines, but really, that's a bit too much to ask from them, dont you think? As part-time as they may be, they are what keep me sane. If i dont have them, i might as well cease to exist. If there is anything that i have to give up, it cant be my part time job. It has gotta be my full time job.

My self-worth is probably at its lowest right now because i equate my worth as my work quality. I probably shouldnt. No, i shouldnt. But i have been that way eversince i started working seriously. I feel worse now because i dont do so well at my deliverables at the office, and i am not a great wife and mom either. I suck at both. KPI koyak left right center.

Maybe i shouldnt be promoted, obviously i am bad at it. Certainly now i know that i have really overrated myself.

Not fair to the company. I pon menyampah looking at my work now, my boss even more so agaknya.

Not fair to my family. They dont recognise me anymore!

I am stressed out, tired and my boss probably thinks i am not putting in enough effort. Bad. Bad.

Nak meniaga nasi lemak depan rumah lah.

Pemborong dialu-alukan.

An Encounter with Fortuna

21 April 2009
Electra Palace Hotel, Thessaloniki, Greece
1842 Local time
0300 Malaysia time

What a beautiful place this is! And such nice people too!

I got lucky many times since I arrived, maybe I should buy a lottery!

You see, I accidentally locked my sim-card. When it prompted me for password, I keyed in my ATM card password (silly silly me) and so after the third futile attempt, it locked itself up. I called Yamtuan from the hotel (cringe thinking how much it would cost me!) and he said he would check with Maxis, but I would have to call him again for instructions – if he could get any.

I then went to a phone shop and asked them if they could unlock it. They said no, only Greek simcards. I needed to tell Yamtuan to retrieve the PUK number, so I bought a pre-paid public phone card. Cost me €4. Not cheap when you convert it into RM.

I went to a nearby public phone and found a prepaid card there. Still good, it has €3.75 value still. Good or what? Luck No. 1.

I tried calling Yamtuan but couldn’t get through. As I walked along the road looking for another public phone, I stumbled across a cybercafé, €2.50 per hour and so I YM-ed Yamtuan instead. Got the PUK number I wanted, managed to unblock my SIM and just trying my luck I went to the phone shop again. The prepaid card I bought was packaged nicely. I have removed the packaging, torn it to get at the card. Damaged packaging but value of my card was still full. So I was really just pushing my luck a bit when I asked the shop whether I could return the card. At first they said no, not with the package removed, how to re-sell right? But after discussing among themselves and me saying that I really have no need for the card anymore, they refunded me my €4! Arent they such nice people? Luck No.2.

Went for dinner at Ouzeri Tavern (spelt in their language as OYZEPI). It is a nice cosy very Greekish restaurant situated right by the sea. I had grilled don’t-know-what fish with boiled potatoes and zucchini. Absolute yum. When I asked for the bill, it came with a plate of dessert – on the house, the waiter said. I don’t know what it was, but it was nutty and sweet. Best of all, it was free. Luck No.3.


Ketika Duduk Tegak

Ketika Duduk Bersandar

Came back to the hotel, had a long leisurely bath. It was when I wanted to remove my lenses did I realise that I have left my contact lens solution in Gatwick. I went down to the reception and they gave me a map and direction on how to get to a nearby pharmacy. I found it after about 10 minutes of walking. Found the solution I needed but instead of charging me, they said I could have it for free as today happened to be the day they were giving out free samples. Luck No.4.

I love this place.

24 April 2009

When I check out from the hotel, in settling the bills there was nothing whatsoever on the call I made to Malaysia. I asked them to check, they said they couldn’t trace in the system. And so they couldn’t charge me the phone bill. Free. Luck No.5

Greece is kind to me!