Thursday, May 14, 2009

Life in the Fast Lane

No, i am not talking about driving my Belle on the right lane. I dont drive it in the wrong lane either mind you. My lesen memandu is 'lesen memandu terhad' which means it is invalid outside of Shah Alam. And in Shah Alam, all lanes go in circle - mak oih banyaknya roundabout!

No, this is not about that type of lane. Not about my driving.

I am talking about work.

Things are so crazy topsy turvy kind of crazy lately.

Company has been restructured and since then i have been given the trust by the company to head a department. Ever since the promotion, life has not been the same. You see, i am one who takes pride in my work. I know i am reliable, i meet deadlines and produce expected results. To me, if my work is good, it means i am good. I equate the quality of me with the quality of my work. Has always been like that. I push myself against my own standards, i set it as high as i can and then push it even higher.

But now, i feel i have reached my limit. I cant push myself anymore.

Maybe because my department has 4 major portfolios. I have 4 staff. One is on maternity leave, one is heavily pregnant (always on leave, can barely walk now!), one is particular about her Job Description (what's not her KPI she wont do) and the personal assistant (strictly clerical). You see, in the end, i really only have half a staff. I am promised two more, i dont know when they'll come - in this lifetime, i hope. Because at this rate, this lifetime has perhaps been halved already.

There are toooo many things to do! I have exhausted my days and then sacrificed many nights just to keep pace with the amount of work that needs to be done. And i can only do half of the things expected from the department. I am beginning to see a slide in my deliverables. I become forgetful, i am missing deadlines and appointments, my proposals are shoddy and not as well researched as i would have liked, really bad. I am annoyed at myself probably more than how much my bosses are annoyed at me.

As much as i hate to admit this, work IS my full time job. Family has been a part time job, because i barely see them and the little time that i do spend with them, i will be too tired or still have too many things to do - even at home. I probably can steal more of their time to do office things, then perhaps i can catch up with the deadlines, but really, that's a bit too much to ask from them, dont you think? As part-time as they may be, they are what keep me sane. If i dont have them, i might as well cease to exist. If there is anything that i have to give up, it cant be my part time job. It has gotta be my full time job.

My self-worth is probably at its lowest right now because i equate my worth as my work quality. I probably shouldnt. No, i shouldnt. But i have been that way eversince i started working seriously. I feel worse now because i dont do so well at my deliverables at the office, and i am not a great wife and mom either. I suck at both. KPI koyak left right center.

Maybe i shouldnt be promoted, obviously i am bad at it. Certainly now i know that i have really overrated myself.

Not fair to the company. I pon menyampah looking at my work now, my boss even more so agaknya.

Not fair to my family. They dont recognise me anymore!

I am stressed out, tired and my boss probably thinks i am not putting in enough effort. Bad. Bad.

Nak meniaga nasi lemak depan rumah lah.

Pemborong dialu-alukan.


Blogger Nazrah Leopolis said...

kalau meniaga nasi lemak, boleh tumpang jual karipap dan donut tak?

1:11 AM  
Blogger Roti Kacang Merah said...

even reading this makes me want to take a loooo-ong leave. letihnya rasa. can't imagine being in your shoes. how lah you ever do what you do??!

2:28 AM  
Blogger tajudin said...

dear madam,

no worry, let me discuss this with your boss. will ensure you to replace your boss soonest possible.

and, jangan lupo jomput den bila buat kenduri naik pangkat...

7:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

as long as i don't have to prepare the sambal ikan bilis...sukati hang laaa.

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When was the time u realised that u r at the right speed?

Right speed is hard to be defined. One of my friends, u set ur own destiny. Hate to say that, she is right. The choice is always ours. To be or not to be.

Selling nasi lemak is neither a solution:
1. Everyone is doing it at every junction of any occupied taman.

Just kidding, but its still about demand and followed by supply. What is the worst thing when u oversupply? Relatively, the demand will drop.

So in ur case, u hv to double up ur productivity to cut down the demand.

Make sense? Theoretically i m correct, but technically .... how to do it?

my no-sen advice. just letting u know U hv my sympathy.

my way or highway. buckle up out ship-out.

Your Boss Wannabe

3:02 AM  
Blogger atiza said...

kita jual nasik lemak online okay tak agaknya?

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Can we have the cake and eat it too?Maybe boleh kot.I could never figure out the actual meaning of that cliche.

Can one has the best of both worlds.Does one has to give way to another.

Try to get assistant at home and office (good and capable people) and then delegate.Sometime we have to let go and trust other people.

You ask Jokontan.I am still learning from him but it is hard to copy from Sifu.



11:25 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

nanti your karipap and donut lagi laku dari nasi lemak i, kan dah memulakan permusuhan tu? Tak leh tumpang. HEP!

Roti Kacang Merah,
How i do it? Dengan susahpayah lah i suppose. Once i get the two staff, i wont have to do the job of 3 persons anymore, should be easier (amin)

you can talk my boss into giving ME his place? Wowwww... bestnya. Tapi tak nak ah, dok tempat dia, kerja lagi teruk, hayat tinggal 1/8 je nanti..

tak tak tak


My Boss Wannabe,
right speed on ething, right lane another, right direction one more.
For all you know, i am wrong in all three. How leh?
My friends around me are dropping off like flies due to stress related diseases, stroke lah, sakit jantung lah, hayo...
i so do not walk the path they have trodden.
Employ me, my nasi lemak is technology-driven, and can solve the world's problem. The market size of nasilemak in Malaysia is worth X million RM, i plan to capture only 1% of X - that can make me million hair oredi.

good idea! there is Home-delivery Room-service kind now. Just make a call, and they'll buy food for you from wherever you fancy and charge only RM10 for delivery. Food price same. I have VALID driver's licence, i have a seasoned kancil. We do website, you take the orders, i do the delivery, but must order 2 days early because my driving speed is 40 km/hr.

Bro KNA,
it is tougher being a working mom, because you are expected to do well in both worlds. A working man can get away with not-doing chores at home. I need to have a bibik BOTH at home and office.
Yamtuan has been very understanding despite the occassional temper tantrums - I musnt take it for granted - my daily mantra.
I would want to learn from Jokontan but he seems to be on the road (by air) very often now.

7:31 PM  

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