legends of the fall

I consider myself to be a very stable person. Especially, physically.

My ‘centre of gravity’ aka ‘centre of mass’ is low. Imagine a hippo, compare her to a gangly giraffe. Hippos have low centre of gravity, COG (pigs centre is just as low, but I would rather not likened myself to a pig - lest someone sneezes). Giraffes on the other hand, have higher COG. A race car is more stable than a double-decker bus, thus why you race lowered cars and not busses in F1s. Low COG promises better stability for maneuvering and speeding ease. This is the law of physics, don’t dispute it.

My shape is one that is stable too. Compare a pyramid to a cylinder. Same height but different in shape. Because of the big base, pyramids don’t flip whereas cylinders do. Blow hurricanes at me, I will stand still and steady. Blow kisses at skinny winny lollipop of a woman, she might fly away. This is the law of physics too.
Stability in stature. That’s me. There are other words to describe it of course, ‘short and fat’ for example. But where’s the art in ‘short and fat’, right?
Stability in stature.

Just a few weeks back, this stable structure of a me, defied physics. I fell down. Yes.

We were at Giant of Shah Alam, near the stadium. At the parking lot, me in my baju kurung and heels, just flipped and fell down. Many years ago, me falling down was probably a sight to rejoice in. It could still pass as a pretty sight. But at 39 years old and 58kg overweight? A lot of people were horrified at the mere sight of me sprawled on the ground. I cringe to think how many of them would be so traumatized by that ugly sight, they probably had nightmares for many endless nights, became depressed, turned to drugs and ended up as candidates for the next pilihanraya umum.

Yamtuan rushed to help me up. Sun sobbed into my skirt. Tiga had frowns etched on her forehead. Dot went white.

Sakit? Yamtuan asked.

Not really, I have natural absorbers all around to cushion my fall.

The kids went all solemn and quiet, even Tiga – for about 5 minutes. Yamtuan was all sympathy and worry – for about 10 minutes.

Then they all laughed at me.

Sheeesh.

Hips Dont Lie - Try as they might

I moved into this neighborhood last deepavali, so quite recent. From apartment living to terrace house living. I maintain my way of being friendly with neighbors, send them a bit of my cookings - the rare occassions when i venture into the kitchen. Sometimes i send them fruits or whatever else - but always food.

My neighbors are a weird lot though. Very rarely, they send me food. Wendy gave me hangers (to hang clothes!) and evita peron hair clips. Practical gifts, thank you, but i thought it funny still.

Lily, another neighbor went to Langkawi and instead of buying us gamat products, she bought for yamtuan and Sun shirts, dresses for Tiga and Dot, and a blouse for me. 5 garments in total. Elaborate is one thing but i also feel it odd that you should give someone you barely know such personal items. I mean, come on, to give anyone shirts, you need to know their size. Or at least able to guess their size. I dont exactly fancy the idea of someone other than family or close friends to size me up that way. She bought me an M. At least she guessed right. If it was an XL, i would be offended, as XL as i may be.

Yamtuan and me had a big laugh over it though. Maybe this is the new age of neighborhood. What do we know, right? One day shirts, next day undies, how? we said and laughed.

Well, while it didnt exactly happen the next day, Wendy came over last two weekends and asked me my hip size. Yes, my HIP size. I may be a hippy at heart, but no, i dont go around sharing my hip size with neighbors. Why, i asked her, bewildered at the absurdity of her question. Oh, she handed me a package. There were three panties in it. Black, nude and white. Satinny material, trimmed with laces. Beautiful. Sexy. But two sizes too big. said, she bought them in Australia, brand new of course, tags were still intact.

How could i say no to the beaming Wendy. She was so sure she guessed my size right. But halo, TWO sizes too big! She so needed to get her vision corrected.

Later that night, i tried one on. Mother of all Alamaks, it fit me perfectly. Definitely my size.

Hmmmm...

Bring out the celery sticks!

Adubomba

This sajak was written in Langkawi for the office's family day.

Ahli bomba banyak bakti
Lebih dari hanya padamkan api
Dia juga selamatkan orang
walau kadang-kadang
dia menjadi arang

Hidupnya umpama lilin
setiap kali membakar diri
masa kecil menjadi kawan
bila marak, bomba melawan
padamkan api kiri kanan

Ahli bomba memang hebat
mengawal api dari merebak
bila siren bomba berbunyi
itu tandanya ada api
atau kucing di pokok tinggi
mintak tuan puan tolonglah ke tepi.

Hey, it IS silly, but it won best performance. Only to show how much worse other groups were! mwehehe