Kala Peluh Jatetino Menitik

Suatu Pagi di Pejabat

Ada suatu mesyuarat minggu lepas antara syarikat tempat saya digaji dengan satu syarikat lain yang ingin kami gaji perkhidmatannya. Ada 6 orang yang hadir. Mesyuarat berjalan rancak. Teh-O yang panas sampai tinggal sejuk di dalam cawan dek kerana asyiknya berbincang.

Saya ingin bertanya. ‘Encik Azmi, saya nak tahu…’
Saya lupa apa yang saya begitu bersemangat nak bertanya tadi. Macamana boleh lupa pada pertengahan ayat? Betul-betul lupa.
’Errrr....’
Perhatian semua orang tertumpu kepada saya. Memandang saya, menanti saya menghabiskan ayat.
’..errr, macamana saya nak cakap ya..’ langsung tak ingat, cuba membeli sedikit masa untuk ’refresh’ dan ’reboot’ komputer kepala yang sudah ’hang’.
’.. macam ni lah, saya nak tahu... errrr, macamana ya?’
Dan sepuluh biji mata terus tertumpu kepada saya. Nak mereka-reka soalan baru pon saya tidak mampu pada ketika itu. Betul-betul litar pintas. Atau mungkin litar terputus terus. Adoi.
Masa terus berjalan.
Perhatian tetap tertumpu kepada saya.
Komputer benak belum juga ’restart’.
’... errr...’
Dan ketika akhirnya soalan itu terbit semula, beberapa minit telah berlalu. Berpeluh toksah cerita lah! Mudahnya soalan saya berbanding dengan masa yang diambil untuk mengeluarkannya. Tentu Encik Azmi fikir ’appara’.

Ciss. Ciss! CISS!

Apasal lahhhh pelupa sangat ni! Mandi ginkgo biloba pon tak tentu boleh pulih ni.

Suatu Malam di Dalam Teksi

I took a cab from KLIA to home. It wasn’t THAT late at night, it wasn’t even 10pm yet. I was dead-beat tired having been in one after the other meeting for two days in Johor. The drive home would be about 45 minutes and I wanted to have a bit of a nap.

I was woken up by jerky movements of the car. Fully awake now, I realized the driver, a beat-up looking pakcik was braking hard every few minutes. And the car was swaying left right centre. From the rear-view mirror I saw pakcik’s eyes have glazed over. He was asleep with eyes wide open.

o-oh changgo.

‘encik, kita lalu jalan mana ni?’ Small talk had never been as important as it was that day. It was a matter of life and death.

A lorry had to swerve left because pakcik was doing the sway dance. The lorry honked at us.

Pakcik didn’t reply. He was obviously deep in slumber.

‘encik!’ I raised my voice a few decibels. Sounded shrill to my own ears.

And he woke up.

‘kita lalu jalan mana ni?
’nak pegi jalan klang lama kan? Betullah ni’

And i engaged him in conversations – permatang pauh, malay agenda, bulan puasa, Lina Joy, Safiah, Amy Search, economy – anything, just to keep him awake. He said he has been working since morning and he needs to find extra money for raya.

I told him to go home after sending me. Go home and rest. You don’t need to be cash-rich for raya, you need to be alive though.

Updates

Kelas KPP

My 5-hour theory on driving curriculum was conducted by this huge bald guy. He wasn’t just an ex-military man; he was an ex-commando from Unit Gerak Gempur Tanpa Senjata. How more intimidating can he be? He was loud, with capital letters, bold, italic and underlined. O-boy was he loud! He crept silently and stood in front of one participant who has dozed off, and jumped while yelling outloud, ‘BRAKKKKE!’. The poor guy practically jumped out from his skin. Poor thing. The Cikgu declared the guy to have died because he said, if you couldn’t stay focus for five hours, you would have driven your car underneath a ‘lori babi’ already. You see the horror of the picture he painted? Not only would you be dead, you would be dead crushed underneath many-many-many unassuming pigs. Horror!

There were many youngsters in the class except for me and an Achi. I have learnt from the class that to get a B license, you need to be 16 and above. To get a car license D, you need to be 18 and above. If you are 21, you can apply the license to drive lorry and tractor. I am glad nobody pointed out that for our age, Achi and I should be getting ourselves E,F,G,H or I licenses instead.

Oh and Cikgu Ali said, if our demerit points exceed 15 and our L or P license gets suspended/revoked, can call him. He knows how to deal with JPJ. Awesome.

My exam will be on this coming Friday.

Tuan Nasi Lemak

I just found out that Tuan NL used to work for Perwira Affin Bank. Then he got involved in a bad accident which explains the dent on his forehead – size of a pingpong ball. He was warded at the Intensive Care Unit for 3 months. Now we know why he acts a bit weird kan? Deep within me, there is this slight pang of guilt for thinking him a weirdo. Tak baik berburuk sangka kan.

Make Way for Noody

I know i have bored you because i talk about this often - how i will and i must get the L and the P? Talk-talk-talk onni. No action. The ‘i-will’ has gone on for many years now. Friends have placed bets and it seems every year I would be taking someone one for makanbesar because again, I didn’t get that L&P by year end. I have always been an easy prey. Bet against me that I wouldn’t get the L&P, and you would win another lunch. Terrible. At the rate where things were going, I was gonna go broke sooner than I could say L&P.

This entry is about getting L&P, yes, again you say.

But this time around, it is different.

Yesterday, I actually went to Safety Driving Centre, SDC, you know the one near Armada Hotel? I have also paid them RM300 as first instalment. You see, I REALLY am gonna do it this time. I have never proceeded this far. It would cost me RM990 – if things go well. Imagine that, when all my friends got their licence in the late 80s, it was less than RM500. I didn’t have RM500 back then, my parents couldn’t afford it. And when I could afford it myself, it has gone up to maybe RM700. By then, I didn’t have the time for it.

Ada masa, tak ada wang.
Ada wang tak ada masa.
Only one thing remains ‘ada’ throughout, I never ran out of excuses.

Yamtuan wasn’t home, off for Biro Tatanegara course. But even that couldn’t stop me from going to SDC. I took a cab and dragged all my three kids there too. While I was being briefed by this one lady, Sun accidentally (or not) knocked over a pot of plants and the little one got busy chewing on my thumb. Dot on my side was telling me that she needed a drink ASAP. Then I proceeded to fill up the many forms, and Sun and Dot got into a fight – one pulled the other’s hair and as a result got pinched for it. And as for the grand finale, all three cried. Even THAT couldn’t deter my will!

Ahah, berani nak bet lagi? I don’t think so. Tak usah lah.

Why you may wonder, my sudden drive to drive?

I got promoted that’s why. With the new position, I am given petrol allowance and a parking lot too. This wouldn’t make me register at SDC. What prompted me is this, with the petrol allowance and parking bay, I am not allowed to claim for taxi anymore! And I do spend a lot of the company’s money on taxi fare. Now that I cant claim, aiyoh, koyak lah!

Next Saturday i will be attending the 'Highway Code Class for five hours. Then the next Saturday another course on car maintenance. If all goes well, and i pass the exam, PJ folks should be pre-warned, by all means, AVOID driving around Armada, PJ New Town, Taman Jaya on Saturdays and Sundays, because I, ladies and gentlemen, will rule the road.

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From drbubbles!

Mimpi

Semalam mimpi ada DUA ekor ular sawa besarrrr masuk rumah. Kata Pak Ali si pemandu teksi, mimpi ular ni maknanya nak dipinang orang. Cemana ni!!!!! Apa pulak kata Yamtuan nanti!