Sunday, August 14, 2005

Once In XS, now In-Excess.

I was crowned bayi sihat when I was a baby. I grew up thinking that the baby on Dumex can was me. No, it wasn’t me. But I was as sihat.

I was born a big baby, Mak said. I was so huge I got stuck at the door on the way out. I got my head out and that was it. Mak didn’t deliver me in a hospital, it was in one of the rooms of Tok Aji’s house. Not the easiest of delivery but thank God, the Bidan was experienced and there were lots of ‘segala dukun and pawang’ there too, one poofed and puffed at the door, one spit and spat in a glass, others were using all sorta, kain lah what lah… and finally I was through. I was almost blue, probably lose a few hundreds of brain cells due to lack of oxygen. Which explains why my IQ is only 550 (I am gifted, what can I say).

Mak said I was huge.
‘LAPAN KILO!’ She sounded proud.
‘Takkanlah mak… dekat sekampit beras tu!’
‘Iye’.. Mak insisted.
‘paun kot, bukan kilo..’
‘eh entahlah.’

So I was between 8 lbs to 8 kg. The eight was consistent, the unit was not.

As a kid, I was skinny though. My hair would always be in the china-doll hair style, but because I was skinny, from afar people would think I was wearing a motorbike helmet. I was a skinny runt alright.

As a young adult, I could eat all I wanted and would not gain a single gram. When I was in ITM, I had an eating buddy. Dila and I would binge on food whenever we were .. the word back then was, tension. Everytime tension we would ‘makan sampai mabuk’. We would go Seroja Inn and ordered mi goreng basah, and then nasi goreng dengan telur mata, and satay and roti sadin and all sorta. We would eat for hours, one plate after the other and downed them all with coca cola. Exams and boys were always valid reasons to get drunk on food. We were always drunk!

When I graduated from ITM, I was 21. And weighed only 39kg. I would call this the famous Eat-A Lot-But-Remain-Thin Era.

And then came the Must-Diet-To-Remain-Thin Era. I was in my early 20s. I wasn’t fat but I was no more skinny. I could be thin if I diet a bit but there was no real need for it. I was perhaps looking my best, my weight was ideal-shy. If I diet, I would be skinny again. Easily. Effortlessly. ‘Exercise’ was a dirty word, I don’t do ‘it’, unheard of!

And then Must-Diet-To-Not-Be-Overweight Era dawned. I had to diet or bust. I was always on the borderline of the ideal weight range. If I put on make up or apply that second layer of mascara, the few extra grams of colours would make me exceed the weighing scale to be ‘overweight’. Dieting was necessary. Exercise was optional.

Those were the good days.

I am now in the Diet-Also-Will-Still-Be-Overweight Era. I am seriously considering to change the name to be Diet-and-Exercise-No-Longer-Work Era. Even when I diet, I still gain weight. Even when I jog and 'be-on-top' I will still gain weight. Luckily I am married (poor Yamtuan, he got cheated. He married lean meat of 43kg and ended up with fat 10kg extra, tsk tsk tsk). Being married I can always use pregnancy and childbirth as excuses.

When I help myself to seconds,
‘I am pregnant. I am eating for two.’ Never mind that the pile on the plate was enough for six.
And then,
‘I am lactating. I am eating for two.’ Never mind that the kid only gets about two drops of breastmilk.

When people commented on my thickness.
‘I just gave birth.’ Never mind that the new-born is now almost one year old.
‘I had a caesarean so the tummy will always look like THAT.’ Never mind that other people with c-sections look like they have a six pack (mine looks like a barrel).

When the weight problem gets really out of hand, I just go get myself pregnant again.

Reason for this ranting about weight;
* A girl gave up her seat for me in the train. She probably thought I was pregnant.
* A friend said she was asked too many times lately whether she had any neat little buns cooking in her oven. She is NOT pregnant too.
* Yamtuan kept making jokes about my bum size. Not funny.
* Dot said my bum is so big macam-macam ada, whatever that means.
* Nothing fits anymore. I am contemplating wearing my maternity clothes. They’ll fit.
* I once wore XS, now L.

Sigh… I do so look forward to Ramadhan.

Now where did I put that chocolate bar? It will go so well with this steaming hot mug of milo. All this talk about weight problem is making me depressed. Making me tension only. I need a new eating buddy. Anyone interested? Just grunt, no need to raise your hand, too much work. Just grunt and snort, babe!

I have indeed come full circle. I am now Baby Sihat again and i have difficulty going through doors. Must walk sideways or be stuck. Cant have bomoh pawang help this time though.

30 Comments:

Blogger hana_kirana said...

Mak oi. I think I'm at my Must-Diet-To-Remain-Thin Era. My body metabolism is getting lower n lower. must start exercise errr... tomorrow.

:p

11:50 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

Eleh... auta! Awak Era Fazira adalah!

Kalau ambik dadah senang boleh kurus, tapi si Mawi kata BELIA BENCI DADAH so tak boleh lah kan? Kena taat cakap Mawi!

11:53 PM  
Blogger ummi said...

hahahaha....nice way of looking at weight problem ya?!

i bought tons & tons of book on dieting...in theory...i know em all...inside out...

my most favourite book..."Dr Atkins' New Diet Revolution"...sampai pakcik atkin tu dah "selamat" & company dia dah declare bankrupt pun...i'm still trying to decide whether or not to practice what he preached....

tell me ood...how do i respond to salegirls yang secara automatik ask me this??? ..."makcik cari baju/seluar saiz XL ke???""

12:50 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

grunt 1,000,000x. and snorts too.

1:04 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

KJ Ummi,
slap em! HARD! Kiri dan kanan! Dan kiri semula! And finally tunjal the forehead. Then proceed to search for the much needed but hated XL clothes.

Anedra,
grunt grunt snort snort oink oink (translate: you dont exactly qualify maam, u not heavy enough. But can lah).

1:36 AM  
Blogger Adnilsa Malia said...

OOD,

I read somewhere in your blog about your entry title 'jerawatis' and you did mention you took Byoung? How was it? Lately, i do feel imbalance in my hormones and my skin started to look ugly...errr....rashes on he forehead....Planning to try byoung. Some advise plz

1:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hands up! I want to be your eating buddy!

2:40 AM  
Blogger shidah said...

"When the weight problem gets really out of hand, I just go get myself pregnant again" I once used this trick, then i realised the numbers re getting out of hand. now can't use it no more. Arrghhhh! Snort! Snort! :)

5:36 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

adnilsa malia,
aisey... i dont remember writing about jerawatis. Maybe you called wrong number? Sorry dear.

But yes, my face was once infested with jerawat too, so much so that there was not a mm square of clear area. I was about 23/24 i think, not exactly a teenage mutant ninja turtle anymore. I tried all sorts of things, mustika ratu, clinique, dermalogica, prairie etc etc.. nothing worked. In the end, i got help from a dermatologist. I have never tried BYoung. If you wanna try anything, my advice is avoid anything that contains steroids. They are fast acting but used long term will bring lots of other nasty problems like more pimples and wrinkles or worse, cancer. Read the labels and IFUs, look out for active ingredients and fnd out what they really are. If u wanna get expert help beware of GPs who calls their klinik as Klinik Kulit and then charge fees like that of a specialist. Been there and suda kena also. Choose well. Can email me for names.

10:24 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

anonymous and Shidah!
Wanna be Eating Buddies? Can! Can! Must race to the kitchen first!!

Shidah,
you dah ada 18 offspring kan? takpe. You are allowed an excess of 5kg for every child you have. 18 x 5 = 90. You can be 90kg overweight maam. It is allowed by the World Society of INXS.

10:28 PM  
Blogger Adnilsa Malia said...

ODD,

emailed to you but there was no response. kindly email to me the list of the dermatologist to lileen13@gmail.com

thank you

3:56 AM  
Blogger Ely said...

you never fail to make me smile my dear!

9:51 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

sorry OOD - been quite, quite busy, what with officers and gentlemen and not to mention royalties! ah, such is life! and normality only returns after mid september. meanwhile - here's wishing that you find your waistline again...mine went never to be seen.

11:35 PM  
Blogger MassyLassy said...

Kuah! Kuah! Kuah! Sihatnyo bayi tuuuuu!!!! As a baby I too am very the gendut... Semangat and muka bulat macam bola, then growing up, okay jugak, berisi tapi tak overweight, then teenage years not so gemuk but just right (exercise, sports etc) mid 20's starting to expand, slowly but steadily (lack of training) not not so-late 20, hmmmnnn kira - MUka Still very bulat like the moon, Badan still got waist tapi grew more inches, bottom - tak payah nak bilang, habiq... J Lo kalah! but bust... Oooiishhh.. Itu yang gerek punyo!!!! Kelakarlah you nih!!! Ketawa tergolek-golek.... Aduish!!!

6:45 AM  
Blogger AuntieYan. said...

Odd,...kah!..kah...kah! mind you, you are not alone...Auntie is also like you one...;-)

Same like you, I'm looking forward for this coming bulan puasa...hopefully, together we could "shake" those unwanted kilos...he..he...
p/s ; dah angan-angan menu for berbuka nanti:
1 gelas air fresh oren
4 biji kurma.
sepotong buah betik.....;-)

For sahur pulak:
1 gelas susu..low calories punya
4 bijik kurma.

Ha..ha...ok tak?

boleh buat ke?????....;-)

8:42 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

adnilsa malia,
i have replied your email berkajang-kajang panjangnya. Hope it helps 'clear' the problem.

ely,
your epok-epok story is partly responsible okay?

kakteh,
the waist is under the pouch bag somewhere. kak teh, you do have such interesting glam life.. best.

massylassy,
i have seen your photo lah, dont lah auta me. You slim what, yes, in a J.lo jello way.

auntieyan,
i pon nak puasa like you lah.. kalo orang tanya i will say, ikut sunnah. Memang pon whatt!! Tapi kan kurma kan ada yang tengah2 dia ada chocolate filling tau, best tau! And papayas you try makan dengan susu manis... perh, best. ;o)

9:50 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

OOD, am sending temptations your way. If you can resist that - u pass!

10:06 PM  
Anonymous apples4me said...

Just dropping by..enjoyed your post. I don't mind you giving me some of those extras;)

7:33 AM  
Anonymous crimsonskye said...

I'm sure a mug of milo won't do any harm.... not sure about the choc though :P

1:50 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

kak teh,
my diet always starts after meals or snacks, no problemo.

apples4me,
u want those extra kilos issit? No problem hon, can give you 15kg at one petik of the jari. Snap! Snap!

crimsonskye,
funny how cravings for cheese and chocs always come after the niat to diet. Cruel inventions!

8:31 AM  
Blogger Ely said...

ok, now that my parents are gone, i am trying to get rid of the excesssssssssssssssssssssss.

today, first time in 4 weeks, i feel lighter. why? cos the fridge is empty, the stove is empty and the table top is EMPTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkk...

8:33 PM  
Blogger noha chomel said...

hi ood, nice blog, bloghop from k tenah. bole saya link ood dlm blog saya?

5:33 PM  
Anonymous atn said...

hoi ood, i'd kill to be 53kg!!

eh Kak Teh said u can kill spammers ye? help pls

6:56 PM  
Anonymous lilheaven said...

heh. ramadhan? rasa mcm more like feasting time jugak tuh. feelin teruja now just thinking about the variety of dishes yg bakal dijual.. *yum*

takpa. makan ttp makan. kita kan ppl yg live life to the fullest! :P yg penting kolestrol maintain..

6:23 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

ely dear,
my mom is visiting, so i have been quite busy (cleaning up the house and playing filial daughter). Yes, when mom's around, fridge door must use rubber band to secure pasal brimming with food. Guess, the diet becomes daip.

noha chomel,
heyho you!
oh to link must ask permission ya? alamak, then i have been guilty of linking people up without consent! Sure you can link me.
(now must go aplogise around..)

atenah,
alamak... kak teh gurau je. i can only do jampi. youknow what, i have been away for some days, in my absence no spammers visit her. maybe the spammer is me, kan?

lilheaven,
i think the whole message of ramadhan gets stuffed up with all this ramadhan buffets and bazaars! how to remember the poor and needy and hungry when makan pulun sesungguh kan? and yes, the best the exotic the authentic of foods appear in ramadhan too. How?

8:43 PM  
Anonymous nohachomel said...

ood,

normally takyah minta permission, cuma ada setengah tu tak nak appear blog dia kat tempat lain. thanks anyway

bila nak update, tak sabo nak gelak terguling2 nih...

8:54 PM  
Blogger zaireen said...

how abt this, weight keep on changing everyweek.. mati la oo..

kalah yo yo ni

9:28 PM  
Blogger Empty Heart said...

agreed, never fail to make me laugh ... ur entres kinda become my antidote for my unwanted tears ...

10:57 PM  
Blogger Maya said...

OOD!

Whats all this talk abt diet ah? Surely NOW you know who is more qualified to write a whole blog on diet and dieting ..NOT YOU!

Lovely and not disappointed one bit my dear! Soon another One, OK?

5:36 PM  
Anonymous kenakelayan said...

Howww???
Yesterday got a second hand weighing scale, found to my delight I lost 3kg. Turned out the darn machine had a ralat of -3kg.
Arrgghh

10:31 AM  

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