Thursday, August 11, 2005

London in Kuala Lumpur

I sit typing this in my office in United Kingdom. London maybe, yes.

From the window right in front of me I cannot see much of what is outside. The sky is grey and I can’t really tell where heaven/earth starts and where it ends. For all I know, there might be the Thames River right next to my building, or maybe my office is on the second floor of Buckingham palace. Maybe I am at the Principal’s office of Hogwarts, maybe I am a prisoner at Azkaban. It is very grey and hazy outside. Maybe i have died and this is hell (sitting in office is NOT my idea of heaven!).

It is very cold, as usual in this part of the world (I am the only occupant on this floor, and the air-cond is centralized and so I can’t regulate it. As usual, for some reasons unknown to me, the air-conds in Malaysia are always set at 16degC). It is cold and I am in my winter suit. Red gloves and turtleneck sweaters and jackets and warm wool hat too.

I have a pot of tea ready. I don’t have scones and clotted cream and homemade jams, but I do have cheese and crackers.

London has reached Malaysia!!

I heard the news yesterday that the plan to do cloud-seeding to make rain has been postponed. Reason: too hazy to fly a plane. So maybe they will do it after the haze is cleared. But wait a minute, why do we want to make rain to wash the air off the haze when there is no more haze? I am not very bright, I am very hazy in fact.

Indonesia warned us that the haze will worsen in the next couple of weeks because the Dayaks in Kalimantan will be busy burning burning forest for replantation activities. So they DO know the cause and the whens. Great. A problem anticipated is a problem half-solved. So what will be done to prevent the Dayaks from doing this? They are being pro-active about this of course. They give us warning ( 2-weeks notice) us and apologizing to us BEFORE the haze worsens. Right. Pro-active indeed. I feel so much better.

And why is it that we always look beyond the shores of the country to put blames on whenever the air is as choked as this? Don’t we think that we contribute as well? Our diesels are not exactly top grade, and our practice of bakar sampah belakang rumah, and the stack smokes from our factories, and our own agricultural practice, and our cigarettes and our smoky farts? If we all start looking at ourselves and each of us try to make our own little difference, maybe, just maybe, the haze problem will be reduced by some fractions?

So will the haze be an annual thing? Yes? Okay.

Can we do anything about it? No? Really? Uh.. okay.

Okay. In that case we will start stocking up the house with masks. Already the price has increased from 20cents per piece to RM1. Can fashion designers do something about it? I mean, make it more interesting, put some colours and designs perhaps? Put a big picture of red pouty lips maybe. And please make children sizes too. And make it less scary to them too.

Some of us may have some spare ribs in the fridge. Ribs are okay. But I don’t think anybody has spare lungs at home, do you? And Body Shoppe does not exactly sell body parts, no matter what its name may imply. I might as well smoke a cigar. It will not make any difference, to my lungs or to the lungs around me.

Image hosted by AP Index like the stock market, bullish! Going up and up and away!

In the meantime, dahlings, I may just pretend that I am in London, oi i may. Ye have any problems with tha'?

Tea anyone? Lovely.


Anonymous crimsonskye said...

takpelah. i'll settle for genting rollercoasters some more. but i read the api just now, seems like it's going down. hope the stock market doesn't go crazy and go up again.

12:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, have th ehave made your brains go mengong?

12:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aiya..silap taip sebab cepat sangat, let rephrase, 'have the have made your brains gone bengong?'

12:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yikks, there is something wrong with me due to the news of haze, let me rephrase, have the haze made your brains gone bengong?

12:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

see, whos really affected by the HAZE.. (duhh!!)

1:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

see, whos really affected by the HAZE.. (duhh!!)

1:23 AM  
Blogger hana_kirana said...


Finally the true environmentalist is going to save errr... London. Yeehaa. Idup kak OOD! Idup! Idup!

Meh gi sinik. Here, no haze at all. Alhamdulillah..

ahaha... take it easy, Missy/Mister Anon...

4:59 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

you should join me in my office, the mist over the lake makes it look like europe. only the smell gives away the ugliness of reality.
we have tea here ok? but the makcik only has cokodok..that'll do, instead of scones, jam and clotted cream.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

If you see kak teh - u are definitely in London!
But seriously, the London u are describing is only seen in horror movies like the ripper etc. ..we were enjoying a good summer week, with clear sky and all.

10:24 AM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Help. help, the haze is moving up north and to the east coast.

Lucky for me I am staying in teh country where the air is still fresh,


6:19 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

the sky o more crimson, no more grey! yippidy day!

you all ahh so hazy so funny meh?

hana kirana,
macamana depa calculate APIndex ha?

i was the one who contributed in making it rain you know. I basuh langsir! Always work. Basuh langsir or comforter will definitely bring down rain!

the london i know is dark, misty, grey, very the rippers and the sherlocks.

upahlah saya basuh langsir kat sana. Sure hujan punya!

9:57 PM  
Blogger shidah said...

oh dear! you must be very hazey. how abt your inner haze? the conjuntivitis i mean. dah ok?

10:08 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

my eyes still red, conjunct tak habis2 lagi. You okay? The kids all okay i hope?

11:15 PM  
Blogger Jade said...

hehe... hazily hillarious..

11:21 PM  
Blogger hana_kirana said...

How to calculate APIndex? forgot already. Since i'm doing water quality research, i only know how to calculate the WQIndex. may be i can ask my friend who used to do the air quality research. :)

11:53 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

Lady Jade,
not so hazy anymore? Bright? yes?

Bukan apa Nana, conspiracy theory.

what if the published API is actually discounted, so kita tak panik and go darurat and country mengalami kerugian. So nak tau le cemana kira. Tak tau takpe.

'they' said bird flu that time, the published numbers were discounted too.

12:01 AM  

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