Adam Ahmad

I think that time I was in Form 1. I was 12. It was probably 1982 or 83.

Adam Ahmad made his debut on television. There was this composing competition and he was representating who-don’t –remember with the song Kau Pergi Jua. I think Kazar was in it too with his song, something about the sufferings of fishermen. Of course, why would I remember a song about fishermen when Adam Ahmad was making me bleed through the nose?

Sayangku
Tahukah kau di dalam hati ku ini
Tersimpan perasaan cinta yang suci
Kau bunga
Ingin ku sunting mu menjadi milikku
Lantas kuabadikan dalam jiwaku

And so, Adam Ahmad became my first crush. At 12, I haven’t discovered boys yet. I saw no difference between me and a boy. I was still running around the house ‘berlengging’ to mak’s disapproval. I was such a kid still. Didn’t know the difference between ‘cinta’ and ‘tinta’ even. But Adam Ahmad was something else. He was different. When he sang that song, when he cried out how much he regretted not telling the girl his feelings before she died, and he looked straight into the camera; my heart skipped a beat and I was all shy, didn’t know where to rest my gaze because it was at me he looked, it was for me he sang. Such a terrible crush.

That time I was in boarding school. I could not afford to buy a cassette, even the cetak rompak ones. There was a scholarship, RM30 for a year or a term, I can’t remember. It was for me to buy biscuits and jams and whatnots; those years I was constantly hungry and dewan makan food was not exactly enough (never mind the taste). Hallo, I was twelve okaye? Those were the famine years, Live Aid - We are The World, remember?

We were not allowed to bring radios to school and if we were caught having cassettes in our possession, the warden said he would put our names in a Black Book (until today i still don’t know what the Black Book was, or even if it existed at all and what harm could befall those who got listed in the book). Kids being kids, some of us did manage to smuggle in cassettes. Walkmans were allowed but nah, couldn’t afford it either. Even batteries were considered expensive back then.

One of the seniors had Adam Ahmad’s cassette. I remember borrowing her cassette and borrowing another friend’s walkman to listen to him. This would be done after the night curfew, after the wardens had made their rounds. I would be under the covers, listening to Adam Ahmad and yes, berdarah-darah hidung throughout. It was a costly affair; the batteries and the Black Book menace!

I promised myself that when I have my own money, when one day I become so rich until gaji makan tak habis, I would buy his cassette.

Adam Ahmad soon disappeared from the music scene. There were gossips that he had gone mad because a girl jilted him (I would just KILL the girl). But he disappeared alright.

Detik-detik yang indah
Di masa kita bersama dulu
Ku harap akan dikenang
Sehingga akhir hayatmu
Hanya Tuhan sahaja yang Maha Mengetahui
Bagaimana pilunya hati ini
Meninggalkan kau sendiri
Dengan perpisahan ini
Ku harap kau bersabar
Sayangku

After my degree, and with my first engineer salary, I went to one music store in Chow Kit.
‘Adam Ahmad ada?’ this was more than ten years after his debut album.
‘Ini ka?’ and showed me Ahmadi Hasan’s cassette.
‘Bukan! Bukan! Adam Ahmad! Awal 80an punya. Itu kaset gambar dia pegang bunga punya!’
‘Ini ka?’ and showed me dusty Sons of Adam’s.

And since everything that towkey suggested was wrong, he asked me to go look for it myself. Not on the shelf of course but in his dusty boxes back in the store. Funny. I found Muhaini Suratman, Gaya Zakri, Roy & Fran, Zaleha Hamid, Noor Kumalasari… older cassettes than Adam Ahmad’s, even Sakura Teng was still there. He had everything from the 1960s all but none from the early 80s. How can? How can?

And so my quest for Adam Ahmad continued. I combed through all the music stores in Chow Kit, Petaling Street, Bandahilir, Muar, Kluang, Batu Pahat…everywhere. But I could not find him. I sent letters to radio stations and recording companies, nobody replied. Nobody even remembered my (possessive tu) Adam Ahmad. I even went through the phone directory calling many people from Ahdam Ahmad to Adam Ahmed… all I tried (except engaging a P.I's or Bomoh's service), still I could not find him. I went in a toko karpet at jalan TAR because its name was Adam Ahad. Couldnt find Adam Ahmad there, no, he did not sell carpets.

I got engaged with someone who knew many people from the music industry. And I told the guy, I want Adam Ahmad’s albums as hantaran. As you may have guessed, he wasn’t my jodoh. He could not find Adam Ahmad and we broke the engagement (for other reasons, of course).

Sometimes over Rima KL (radio channel for oldies and asli songs), they played Adam Ahmad. I wrote to them, no reply.

And one day on tv, i saw an ad of a compilation album from artistes of the 1980s. There was ONE Adam Ahmad’s song, the popular Kau Pergi Jua. Yamtuan bought it for me. And over http://www.jakionline.net/ I found two more songs. Downloaded them. And now Yamtuan told me, RMKL is always playing another one of his song. Maybe I will write to RMKL.

My quest has not ended. En Adam Ahmad, if you are reading this, don’t call me! After I pengsan! Anyone who has both his albums, please sell them to me. I have promised myself that I would own them. Even though I am not rich yet, and my gaji still makan tak cukup, I think it is way past time for me to honour my hajat (I can go without meals for a few days). I want his albums!!!!

Hari demi hari
Ku nanti dan ku nanti
Cahaya yang akan menerangi
Bila kan ku pandang
Alam maya ini
Dalam gelap ku rasa
Kehadiran Mu
Mungkinkah di suatu hari
Nanti akan dapat aku temui
Segala apa yang ku citakan selama ini..