Thursday, June 16, 2005

Severe Warning

It was 1997, the year the economic bubble burst. I was in-between jobs. Having resigned my engineering job, I found it wasn’t easy finding a new one. Construction companies and contractors were retrenching, not hiring. Through an employment agency I got a job as data entry clerk at a management consultant company. All I had to do (the whole day) was to key in potential client’s address and phone numbers into their database. Gone were the days of steel-toe safety boots, jeans and bundle shirts. The job was so boring I could kill myself. But hey, I got to wear high heels and skirts. I could dress to kill (many died).

I made friends with Elizabeth almost instantly (we even went for haircuts together).

One day, as we were leaving office together after work ~ me in my big hairdo (it was in then), and Liz in her new short-short hair ~ a man came from behind and tugged hard at her necklace. This was in broad daylight on the busy ground floor of Dayabumi (same floor as McDonald’s).

I cannot give chance one. The superheroine in me just could not let a villain get away, so I took off after him. Picture this, the thug in front, chased after by one man who took off with me and myself. I was wearing a real tight floral pastel long skirt, with high slits on both sides. I was also wearing 3-inch stilettos. It was not a pretty sight. I was wearing something not meant for sprinting at all, not meant to go kick ass too. But adrenaline took over common sense. I may be running wibble-wobble-ly (tight skirt and sharp heels) but run I did. Was it a bird? Was it a jet plane? No…. it was super-me.

And I ran and ran, intent on catching the thief. The man in front of me had managed to catch up with the thief but instead of walloping him, they laughed together and turned back looking at me. They were COMRADES!! There I was, all 150cm of me (inclusive 3 inches of heels), facing them, not quite knowing what to do. That time we have ran so far we were at the outskirts of Tasik Perdana. The only thing on me that I could use as weapon was emm… my stilettos? But they were the strappy type and would take a few minutes to remove! I wasn’t wearing my superhero spandex suit and I did not have my super gadgets with me too.

And so heroic-me made a quick u-turn and ran back towards Dayabumi. I swear I heard them laughing. Luckily, they let me be.

Puffing and panting, I walked as steadily as I could to Liz. Kontrol macho.

‘What were you thinking? You think you hero ah?’ What an ingrate!
‘I just (pant... pant) wanted to (pant ... pant) get your (pant... pant) necklace back.’
‘He never did get my necklace, you know. It broke and fell right into my bra.’

How was I to know?

Anyways, I will share my secretest secret. I come from Kluang of Johor. In the old glory days of Bruce Wayne, Kluang was known as Gotham City. He has long since disappeared and I have lost Robin’s handphone number (he changes his number so often, youngsters! Hah!). Kluang Man is around but we are not exactly in the same circle. Besides, he operates from Tampoi, JB.

Years have passed since my kick-ass days and I don’t fit into the spandex and leather suit anymore (can-lah but will take me hours). But my heart still pumps heroic blood. And i still have The Whip.

To snatch thieves out there, be very afraid. Don’t mess with me. I don’t give chance one.



Blogger anedra said...


go alter your spandex suit! we go jalan-jalan together. My SuperWOman suit I've adjusted recently, now the spandex adjustable for all size changes in all body areas especially mid section area. I can recommend u tailor osso.

But..leave the stilletos at home ok?

8:53 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

waaah, you know what slowed you down? that big hair style. had it been more aero dynamic - u could have kicked ass and more. Ya, I have always suspected u came from Gotham city.

9:04 PM  
Blogger Ely said...

ahemmm, so can u still run that fast now? hehehe

cewah, u so heroic one. u go gurl!

9:10 PM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Don't leave the stiletto behind, put then in your handbag, still can use as weapon. Pelankung dari jauh lah tak payah nak kejar2. And go learn how to scream at pitch so high their ear drum can break. How's that?

11:22 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

OOD, re: reply at Anedra's.
So, was that yours in the centrespread of Playboy! Wow, am filled two pages and spilling on to the next!

5:02 AM  
Blogger Awang Goneng said...

Whatever you do, don't wear your knickers over your tights. Like superman.

4:47 AM  
Blogger MA said...

wahh..I am so impressed with superhero you! Will blog about the day, my stilletos brought me down - literally ! In broad day light pulak tu !

7:39 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

superwoman anedra,
i have retired. But can lah, once in a while, when Bukit Aman says they can do without me, i will join you jalan jalan in spandex. The heels i need lah dear, kalau tak, i disappear in a crowd. You cant locate me nanti.

Kak Teh,
you know where i am from, sokay but i hope you dont know my real name, i hate to kill such a nice makcik like you. And i dont want to make enemies with anedra too.

can run still. Now that i weigh a tonne, i berlari anak only, pon still like topan.

Auntie N,
i dont carry handbag dah. After the two children, tummy dah saiz pouchbag, so banyak place can hide things.. ang ang ang

Kak Teh, so you know now i am Miss June. So much fame, i know! Everyday such a chore to tear myself away from the mirror.. such gorgeous glob of meat and fat!

Tuan AG,
lah, datang rumah saya! Alah segannya, tak sempat kemas rumah. Red knickers tak sempat nak sorok!

Mak Andeh,
a mystery to me. Bila pakai that stiletto, i jalan pon terhoyong hayang, naik bas mini that time, kena pancang kaki dengan sudut capah... tapi PAKAI jugak. Jatuh tak penah lah. You MUST put the story up, to deter the likes of me from endangering ourselves (mana nak taruk muka woiiii..)

9:11 PM  
Blogger atenah said...

thank god for bras! erh?

9:14 PM  
Anonymous zer said...

part kene gelak dgn malaun tu yg i tak sampai hati nak baca... but i think who wouldn't... keh!keh!keh! oppss sorry

9:28 PM  
Blogger MA said...

Ood - read about my Heels of hell. Hahah..

2:55 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

orang tua dulu2 ghajin sorok duit dalam bra kan? And when they give me the money freshly fished from the bra, i would cringe..

Oh Zer,
gelakkan i ya? I dush-dush you left right center. So there! :o)

7:46 PM  

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