Lurus Like Ruler
(or Lulus Like Luler or Rurus Rike Rurer)
Siti is blessed with a great voice. Orlando Bloom has the most jambu of face. Brad Pitt has ‘toilets’ to die for. Sydney Bristow has Vaughn. ET has a finger that can light up like torch light. Everybody has something extra special about them.
My specialty is kelentong-ing ( I don’t know yet how this talent can make me famous or rich, or if it ever will, i am still trying to figure it out). When I was younger, I was always using my ‘talent’ pulling some pranks. Maybe my friends were all like rulers, or maybe there was ‘TRUST ME’ written across my face in red big bold capital letters, but they all always seemed to fall for it no matter how impossible my stories were. Even this morning my Yamtuan told me, 'Without any particular reason (quoting Forrest Gump), i trust you.' (And I do deserve his explicit trust)
Some examples are cited below.
Case 1
I attended a ceremony that was officiated by Dato’ Seri Ong Ka Ting, the Minister and was telling my good friend Nett about it.
‘I was with Ong Ka Ting this morning! We shook hands even.’ So excited was I. The Menteri shook my hand and chatted with me for about TWO seconds!
‘Ong Ka Ting? Who ah? His name sounds familiar.’ Obviously Nett didn’t know. An open goal, how could I resist kicking the ball in?
‘Aiya, how could you not remember her? When we were in form 5, she was in Form 3. That skinny girl always with two ponytails one? The one who used cellophane tape on her hair when she ran out of rubber band?’
And Nett bought my story.
Case 2
I was working with this one guy. Lee was an inventor and had this real exciting invention. My job was to assist him bring his invention to the market. The potential was huge and if everything went as planned he would be very rich.
‘When we become successful, let’s elope’ he said one day. He was joking of course. He was devoted to his wife and I worshipped my Yamtuan.
‘Elope is for good. I don’t want to elope. Let’s ‘interlope’ instead. Interlope is for a few days only. If interlope, can.’ I said.
‘Oh yes, I wanted to say interlope really, not elope.’ He said in agreement with me.
Pray tell, is there such a word? I know I made it up.
Case 3
One of my roommates in Seroja was this Kak Mah from Kedah. She was doing Civil Engineerng but her real ambition was to be a receptionist. A very soft-spoken and ladylike girl, I was always awfully fond of her. She came back to our room one day with some 30 cents stamps. That time internet was only for the rich and privileged. Since we were neither, our mode of communication with our parents were just the snail mail (there were the public phones in the hostel but the queue was unbearable).
I looked at the stamps and exclaimed, ‘You must have bought these stamps in the afternoon. Look at the Sultan’s face. He looks tired (you know, having to pose for the stamp since morning).’
It was such a bull story so I didn’t think that Kak Mah would take me seriously. Until the next day when she showed me a new set of stamps. ‘These I bought in the morning. He still looks tired.’
Haiya… so I told her that maybe the stamps were leftovers from yesterday. Poor tired Sultan.
I kelentong a lot, I know. But I also happen to be a God-fearing person too (I know many people would be rolling their eyes at this, you roll roll, I blink blink). So I always confess to the sin and apologize right after I am done laughing.
Muahaha.. muahaha.. muahaha (tiga harkat cukup)
By the way, I have a confession to make. Case 3 is bull. Where got anybody that lurus? Oh, wait a minute. There is you.
Siti is blessed with a great voice. Orlando Bloom has the most jambu of face. Brad Pitt has ‘toilets’ to die for. Sydney Bristow has Vaughn. ET has a finger that can light up like torch light. Everybody has something extra special about them.
My specialty is kelentong-ing ( I don’t know yet how this talent can make me famous or rich, or if it ever will, i am still trying to figure it out). When I was younger, I was always using my ‘talent’ pulling some pranks. Maybe my friends were all like rulers, or maybe there was ‘TRUST ME’ written across my face in red big bold capital letters, but they all always seemed to fall for it no matter how impossible my stories were. Even this morning my Yamtuan told me, 'Without any particular reason (quoting Forrest Gump), i trust you.' (And I do deserve his explicit trust)
Some examples are cited below.
Case 1
I attended a ceremony that was officiated by Dato’ Seri Ong Ka Ting, the Minister and was telling my good friend Nett about it.
‘I was with Ong Ka Ting this morning! We shook hands even.’ So excited was I. The Menteri shook my hand and chatted with me for about TWO seconds!
‘Ong Ka Ting? Who ah? His name sounds familiar.’ Obviously Nett didn’t know. An open goal, how could I resist kicking the ball in?
‘Aiya, how could you not remember her? When we were in form 5, she was in Form 3. That skinny girl always with two ponytails one? The one who used cellophane tape on her hair when she ran out of rubber band?’
And Nett bought my story.
Case 2
I was working with this one guy. Lee was an inventor and had this real exciting invention. My job was to assist him bring his invention to the market. The potential was huge and if everything went as planned he would be very rich.
‘When we become successful, let’s elope’ he said one day. He was joking of course. He was devoted to his wife and I worshipped my Yamtuan.
‘Elope is for good. I don’t want to elope. Let’s ‘interlope’ instead. Interlope is for a few days only. If interlope, can.’ I said.
‘Oh yes, I wanted to say interlope really, not elope.’ He said in agreement with me.
Pray tell, is there such a word? I know I made it up.
Case 3
One of my roommates in Seroja was this Kak Mah from Kedah. She was doing Civil Engineerng but her real ambition was to be a receptionist. A very soft-spoken and ladylike girl, I was always awfully fond of her. She came back to our room one day with some 30 cents stamps. That time internet was only for the rich and privileged. Since we were neither, our mode of communication with our parents were just the snail mail (there were the public phones in the hostel but the queue was unbearable).
I looked at the stamps and exclaimed, ‘You must have bought these stamps in the afternoon. Look at the Sultan’s face. He looks tired (you know, having to pose for the stamp since morning).’
It was such a bull story so I didn’t think that Kak Mah would take me seriously. Until the next day when she showed me a new set of stamps. ‘These I bought in the morning. He still looks tired.’
Haiya… so I told her that maybe the stamps were leftovers from yesterday. Poor tired Sultan.
I kelentong a lot, I know. But I also happen to be a God-fearing person too (I know many people would be rolling their eyes at this, you roll roll, I blink blink). So I always confess to the sin and apologize right after I am done laughing.
Muahaha.. muahaha.. muahaha (tiga harkat cukup)
By the way, I have a confession to make. Case 3 is bull. Where got anybody that lurus? Oh, wait a minute. There is you.
posted by OOD at 10:30 PM
10 Comments:
Amboi ni kes dok pekena dan penaya orang lah ni. Tapi lawak lah...
AuntyN,
i am new to you yes, but you are no stranger to me. i have always been an avid reader of your blogspot.
Besaq hati dan kepala sungguh that u singgah sini.. (tgh blushing beet-red).
Mai lagi ni, so pi lah lawat kita lagi no? Awat tak bagi salam masa mai lawat kita dulu2 asyik dok kelitin tepi pagaq saja tu. (Kak Teh mesti suka cakap utara ni). Sampai kita mai sendiri cari rumah dia pasai nampak kelibat dia kat rumah kita tu. jangan marah no?
wah, wah wah, auntyN dah sampai dulu. Hah OOD, u think u can kelentong? let me story you this. When Selfridges held a three week Bollywood festival, with the likes of Aamitabh Bachaan (see my blog last year kut) and Dimple gracing the occassion, I went, of course. I met the daughter of a friend of mine. Knowing that her mother is a hantu Hindustan, we decided to pull a fast one. She called her mum telling her abt the do..and said, wait, someone wants to talk to you. I spoke to her on the phone and put on my best bollywood voice over (this I achieved after four or five sittings of Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham) and told her, hello, this is kajul...
She went silent..and then a loud scream was heard. She was in her office ( I was told later) and we chatted for a bit until i couldn't tahan anymore and she then suspected it was me!!!)
I'll come back and tell another one!!
ha ha ha my biggest kelentong is my blog.....that's why i cukup suspen bila bloggers kata tenah balik Msia nanti, let's meet. if they find out abt my kelentong, ayaaa i'll be in deep trouble
AuntyN,
kali ni i ketuk pintu your house dah. All this while i bukan apa, segan. Hidung tak mancung, pipi pauh tak layang.
Kak Teh,
if Kajol call me, i die standing. Even a pretend one. If Kak Teh call me also i die standing.
Atenah,
i have to sip on salt water lah lepas ni baca your blog. TIPAH TERTIPU rupa2nya! (Kita sama-sama muda. kami terlanjur.... ) ;)
Kak Teh patut tulis kat blog lah tu, panjang kemain tu. Mesti ada lagi yang juicy tu. For me Kajol call I don't die standing, Amitabh Bachan called, I will die standing...
nice one...but didn't fall for your case 3 .... baru nak komen, kak mah tu hilng skru kot.....
I am another lurus person. Tell me anything, yes ANYTHING (as long as it is realistic and logic) and I'll believe you with no doubt. Heck, I also don't know how to lie. You can always tell if I lie. It appears obviously with in bold and uppercase letters on my forehead, "I AM LYING". hoh... Nak tipu sunat pun berpeluh-peluh.
Sis Ten,
Then, we dont have to meet lah...! ;)
Shidah,
botullllll, den tak bongak do.
SC,
banyak persatuan i nak kena join ni. Semua blogspot i am penagih tegar. How?
Hana Kirana,
i selalu pi your spot, tapi tak letak komen pasai sebok, dah ketagih your Crimson Room... scary man! Oh you lurus eh? Muahahaha (tanduk tengah keluar)..
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