Style Wars

A New Hope
I am seasonal. Yes. It is that time of the year when I start to shed hair again. Right now, I have more hair on the floor than on my head; enough to stuff maybe three pillowcases and make one fur coat. It signals the time to surrender my hair to wise Master Ken Kenobi.

Master Ken calls himself a hairstylist. You don’t tell him how you want your hair styled. Just like a true professional, he will look at you from many angles, frown frown disapprovingly, click his tongue, and decide on a style that he thinks is best for you. You don’t argue with the master. When he speaks, you obey.

The Phantom Menace
A colleague was singing lots of praises for her hairstylist, Ken. And I liked her hair too. That time my diet was going really well; I weighed 10kg less than when I started. Finally able to flaunt my bellybutton, I decided a Demi Moore hairstyle in G.I Jane would complement a bare midriff well. You know, macho one kind. Another colleague, Elizabeth just wanted to have a trim. She was an Indian girl with hair so long it reached her waist. So we decided to try Master Ken.

Master Ken’s place was in one little cowboy town called Salak South. A town so remote and quiet it gave you the feeling of pre-independent days. Perhaps the town folk were not even aware that the country was no more Malaya. They probably still thought curfew was necessary because by 7pm, the town would be ‘closed’.

We took the train and guess what? His Enterprise was right in front of the station. We were asked to introduce ourselves by a voice from behind a locked door. We were ushered in only after we did. Bizarre but maybe it was normal practice in a town as 1950s as Salak South was.

Master Ken, a small guy with great hair approached us. Frown frown. Happily we told him what we wanted for our hair. More frowns.

‘you cannot have G.I cut. Your skull shape not nice. Your face too girl.’ He barked at me. Never argue with a guy who carried sabres.. err, scissors.
‘yes master’ and so I left the Enterprise with my hair ‘styled’ but not G.I-ed.
To Elizabeth, ‘your hair too long, too thick. Your face too boy. Must cut short, layer a bit, put highlights a bit.’
‘yes master’ and so Elizabeth came out light-headed with an ultra short boyish cut. Oh how she cried and was so afraid to go home. (I thought she looked absolutely great though. She looked many many years younger, chic and fun. Her parents probably disown her that day, but she was a stunner alright.)

Return of the Jedi.
I wanted to colour my hair. Burgundy would be nice I thought and so I bought a DIY kit and on one fine Sunday, I played with it. While waiting for the colour to develop, I decided to take a nap. It was going to be a 10 minutes wait anyway. For some mysterious reasons, some dark force made me took a sleeping pill. I woke up after 10 hours as Barney!

Who else would a purple-topped girl run to for help but Master Ken? Of course I had to endure an earful from him but he fixed me alright.

Attack of the Clones
I was at the Enterprise one day and Master Ken was too busy for me. I didn’t want to go back ‘empty-headed’ so when a Clone offered to do my hair, I said okay.

‘kalau kasi perm, sesuai tak?’ wavy hair was in-season.
‘mesti cantik punya’ maybe he wanted the extra money so he agreed too readily.
And so my hair was attacked. I endured the long smelly hours and when he was ready to let me put back my glasses on (without which I was blind as a bat and could not ‘monitor’ the work in progress), to my horror, I had a poodle on my head. No, maybe many poodles. All ugly ones.

‘AAAARGH’ the Master and all his Clones came flocking around me. Master was not very pleased. It was the time I crossed to the Dark Side.

To soothe a wounded me, I was given one free hair treatment session and 4 free stylings. (I didnt want the black mask.)

And so, every Sunday, I would go to the Enterprise and got my hair styled. The horror was well hidden and until the next Sunday, I would not wash my hair.

True to his word, after a month, the horror that was my hair was gone and I began to look like a normal human being again.

The Empire Strikes Back
Master Ken has moved up. He now operates a double storey Enterprise in Kuchai Lama. Not exactly Beverly Hills but at least he is moving nearer to civilization. He has many many Clones now. Trained by the master himself, they do quite a decent job. The master doesn’t accept walk-ins anymore. He sees you by appointment only and on weekends the queue can get pretty long. He is still cheap though.

I still can’t manage to book him.

‘Wei..’
‘no, no. I am not Chinese. Is Ken in?’
More Chinese words from the other end of the line.
‘bukan Cina! tak faham, saya tak faham. Ken ada?’
‘oh, Melayu ah? Ken tak ada wo. Dia pegi Japan’
‘wah, Japan ah? Bila dia balik?’
‘minggu depan loh. You kasi tinggal you punya number. Nanti saya angkat kasi tau sama Ken’
‘ok loh,’ and give number.

And wait to be summoned by the master.

Revenge of the Sith
Coming soon.

In the meantime, I’ll just walk on hair.