Monday, June 27, 2005

Pontianak Menjerit

A horror story.

There was a time I stayed for about two months in Kulai (WORLD!). That time I was working for a palm oil plantation company. Their palm oil mill there had problems with the water treatment system. I was sent there for the rescue.

In the midst of the palm oil plantation there was this cosy little community set up for the workers. It was like a little kampong. Mill manager was the penghulu and plantation manager was the vice-penghulu. I must say that the place was beautiful. All throughout my stay, I bunked at the mill assistant manager’s neat little bungalow. He was a young Chinese fellow who claimed to have been malaynised. I was to call him Awie (his Chinese name was Ah Wee). His girlfriend stayed there too. I got along very well with them. Nice people they are.

When I say their water treatment plant is giving headaches, I mean it in every sense. The treatment pond had evolved into something like a fermented dodol, except it was worse. Far worse. It breathed laboured breath and you could see bubbles forming and exploding on the surface just like thickened dodol on fire. Birds would mistake it for god-knows what and they would get stuck on the merciless pond. And they suffered long smelly death. The pond was dying but it did not want to go alone. It wanted victims.

It was giving the management major headaches because the Department of Environment did not look kindly to the blackish final effluent that went into the rivers.

It was giving me the mother of all headaches as I stood there by the pond trying to breathe, in the heavy stench that was exhaled by the monster-pond.

‘Awie, what you want me to do? Revive the dead? And kill myself in the process?’ Mission almost impossible.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to do. In my expert knowledge as pond-shaman I would say that the pond was dead. That… thing that was still breathing was no more the pond. It was the hantu raya of the pond or something.

Headache. Inside outside upside down all around. Thinking was impossible. Even breathing was not a preferred activity. The smell, omigawd… it felt like the hantu raya's invisible hands were at your throat choking you, daring you to survive it. I needed something to cover my nose if i were to go by the pond again. And so I left it and headed back to the office.

The smell followed me and everybody at the office had to stifle vomit when they come near me. The smell of the dead. It refused to let go of you. It trailed behind you like a shadow, menacingly.

I headed back to the bungalow. Nobody could function at the office, with me smelling like that.

The smell had stuck on even the undies. It was terrible. Peeling off everything, I dumped them all in the washing machine. Put generous amounts of detergent and put the cycle to max. If I could put myself in the washing tub, I would too. Instead, I headed to the shower and scrubbed off the smell of the dead pond.

Refreshed after the shower and smelling like a human again, I was pleased to note that the washing machine had stopped. Great! I didn’t bring plenty of clothes. I could hung them then and hopefully they would be dry soon and I could wear them again tomorrow.

Opened the tub.

Lo and behold, what was that little teenie weenie whitish soft pieces stuck on almost every garment in the tub. Peered closer. Picked one up for closer inspection. Looked like… tiny hands? Cannot be. Lifted spectacles for better zooming. 20k, zooming 10k, zooming further in…. and then it dawned on me what it was.

‘Blendered’ lizard!!!!!!!!

A lizard must have been inside the washing tub when I put my clothes in, the lid was left opened since last night (Awie! I am so going to kill you). The max cycles must have shred the lizard to pieces!! And then I saw bits of its’ head and other limbs.. Eeeeeuwww!!! (And scream scream scream scream and jump and run and jump and run and into the shower again and screammmmm).

I can’t even begin to describe to you how hysterical that got me. Now I know I claim to be a superhero. But lizard to me is like kryptonite to Superman.

Demam terus.

(psst, washing machine is a killing machine. One time my brother in law washed clothes with a rat trapped inside. The rat came out dead and BALD!!!!)

35 Comments:

Blogger Utter Rubbish said...

hahahha... sakit perut gue

7:49 PM  
Blogger Ely said...

hahahaha, thats too funny! nasib baik not kucing in the washing machine!

9:07 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

OOD, only you can deliver the stench of the pond so well to this blog that my nose just had a terrible reaction. Your fish was gasping fr breath.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Si Nana said...

euwwwwww..... must be terrible with the new-look lizzie and cik Ti. urghhhh.....

err, adek manes Ood, ini saya ada mau tanya sikit lah. from your ini latest entry ada mentioned pasal itu water treatment plant. adekah sekarang ada sistem yang lebih baik (mesra alam dan kos rendah) untuk merawat sisa kilang esp. kelapa sawit? i really need to know to kill these kilangs kelapa sawit owners yang sunggoh tadak otak punya olang.

pasang lagu? no hal bebeh. ada YM? PM me at hana_kirana.

9:18 PM  
Blogger faux diamante said...

super eww...i'd get new washing machine

11:44 PM  
Blogger iJun said...

HAhAHA HAHAHahAH AHAAHHAah HAAH AHHA A AH AH!!! I have never heard of such fantastic ways to terminate small animals!!!
p/s: as a child, the house i grew up in had lots of cicak. what do small boys do when there's lots of cicak about? we squish them. we sit on them. we put their eggs in our mouth (thinking it was candy). we throw them at the glass door to get a nice patten effect. we throw them at our screaming aunties. best!

12:14 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

tumpang jap OOD.

Thanks IJUN, for explaining my sons' reactions towards cicaks!

OOD, hahaha! kelakarnya cerita ni! I hope u threw away the baju that was "infected" or rather "infested" with the cicak!

4:09 AM  
Blogger MakNenek said...

i came to check on the new banner. should i read this posting? i'm awfully pengecut!

6:40 AM  
Blogger atenah said...

EWWWWWWW

btw, banner cun gilerrr, this mak nenek so artistic

ooooo OOD pun nak cari sound engineer (read Nanaz) ye ki ki ki

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

nana,
i suggest you to go check with golden hope plantation/mill in Carey Island. they have a very good environmental management system, but still sometimes the BOD only cukup makan. main solution is to ask these kilangs owner to reduce the waste generated, thats the only way to increase the standard in POME.

Ood,
i think your kryptonites are more than lizards, any living / dead reptiles would do uh? Ood ROCKS!

6:52 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

utter rubbish,
i tell you, i am traumatised for life.

ely,
washing machines should carry a warning labe. No pets inside.

Kak Teh, i have resuscitated the fish. Just only!

Nazrah,
i swore myself off THAT washing machine. Never again. And i make sure that the lid is ALWAYS shut.

IJUN!!
i hate you already! And you put the eggs in your mouth! You stay away from me, ya hear? When my bro kejar me with cicak/tikus, i lari nangis2! Sekarang pon i boleh nangis lagi if chased with cicak..

Anedra,
What is it with boys and gross things?

Mak Nenek,
the pontianak was me! jeng jeng..

Atenah,
sape tak jaki bila your site ada mamat seksi gerek gerek...? i want lah jugak. Kasi happening sikit.

7:28 PM  
Blogger hana_kirana said...

Anon, thanx for the useful info. Yeah, ask the kilangs owner to reduce the waste generated should be the smartest solution rite? But as always.... these are the people who got mentality problem: Gua sendili senang sudahlah, olang lain apa pedulik?

O, how much i wish it would be that easy..... tak payah ler aku tunggang-terbalik macam sekarang nih

7:33 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

Nana kakak manes,
my ym name is namokawe. But i cannot access it from office. I use msn tho. Can? look for sangmaya
we talk wastewater there, yes? can?

Anonymous,
thankyou! HK, hope the info given by him, helps? yes? And yes sir, krytonites do come in various forms.

kak teh, this IS postive blogging! Kan?

oh IJUN, another thing. Wash your hands THOROUGHly next time you come here. The hands that have held lizard is just as gross.

7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Faith said...

i dah rasa mcm nak demam kora lepas baca entry nih.

"teenie weenie whitish soft pieces..... bits of its head and other limbs...."

*EUWWWW.. rasa lembik lutut dan siku*

8:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

jantan pun ada takut cicak tau,
there was a time in school (malam, after prep class, semua orang tgh kecoh2) when my friend kejar the other friend dgn cicak. this mamat yg kena kejar ni jerit sekuat hati, sampai satu hostel senyap... termasuk wardens. semua terpinga pinga... see, the power of kryptonite, warden pun risau.

8:52 PM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Ingat kat Bworth saja nak kena pakai face mask, masuk sini pun kena pakai face mask ka? Dah wangi dah ke ni OOD? Lain kali cite pasal benda wangi sikit OK, baru boleh kata positive blogging hehehe

9:01 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

Faith & anonymous,
ahh... i see now the need to form a club of cicak haters. I nak duduk dalam Majlis Tertinggi!!Writing this piece pon dah made me nervous and tense.

When i was little, my mak gave me a few eggs, dia kata telur belalang. I incubate dalam botol, tidur pon bawak, sekali bila tetas keluar menate cicok... tak ter-describe the situation! kejam!!!

Auntie N tak takut cicak ye? Steady je? nanti lepas ni i cerita yang positif pulak ye? :o)

9:17 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

of course this is positive blogging. at least the rat didnt need to go to barber's after the spin.

10:23 PM  
Blogger MassyLassy said...

Eiwwww!!!! OOD! I will be petrified too! Soo teruk kan??!!! Huagh! Huagh! Huagh!! Great description!!!!

Banner POWER!!!!!

2:31 AM  
Blogger Susan Abraham said...

Hi Ood,
I remember when I was in primary school in Klang, and our schoolteacher who lived in a semi-detached house in a nice suburb, went to have her bath. Tiba-tiba bila dah kunci pintu, jumpa ular besar sedang tidur! I still remmber that story because it was horrifying and TRUE!!! How are you, Ood? Hope all is well. *love*

5:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,

I'm new to this blog, jumpa u dari Aunty N. Got to know yg u org Kluang......which part? Best bila baca2, jumpa org kampung pulak...

tunfatimah

1:27 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

kak teh,
the rat was stone cold dead to ever need a haircut! Maybe he needs the White Girls (to make him look decent for burial)
Lama tak update kak teh? Busybee? Hari2 dok jengah your spot. U sihat me hopes..

MassyLassy,
'petrified' is too mild a word lah. Most very petrified-est! Banner power kan?

Susan,
snakes? Okay with snakes, can 'wear' them in fact. I am a snake-wrangler (as if!)! But if i see them in the bathroom in all my naked glory, i die. Poor teacher of yours! Shivers!

tunfatimah,
heyho orang kampung! I dok kat gunung. Puteri Gunung Lambak? Mua.

1:50 AM  
Blogger Susan Abraham said...

Hi Ood, Tak payah, poor thing, poor thing...cikgu itu teruk sangat, akhirnya, suami pun lari!
*love*

2:49 AM  
Blogger shidah said...

OOD....malang cik lizzie.... mesti ingat u next time tengok cicak :)

6:13 AM  
Blogger Bustaman said...

At least the cicak died clean.

7:30 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

dear susan,
padan muka or not, still.. ular in the bathroom, hayo!! BTW, i sense more sunshine at your spot lately!

shidah,
cicak is my fear factor. Bayar le usd1 mill pon...

Tuan Bustamann,
clean cicak it may be, but cicak nevertheless, whatever form it may take, however harum pon.. i kenot one!
Thank you for visiting. You can NOT imagine how berbesar hati you have just made me. I can NOT even begin to tell you. :o)

1:56 AM  
Blogger Susan Abraham said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:43 AM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

La tak habis mengilai lagi ke ni? HEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEE

12:43 AM  
Blogger iJun said...

I remembered when I accidentaly sat on a cicak once. The juices from it seeped through my jeans. And I wondered why my cats were following me around. Raba pelan-pelan.. pastuh.... jumpa. Hehe. BEST!

6:03 AM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

tak habis menjerit lagi?

9:14 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

AuntyN & KakTeh,
sebok sikit 1 menjak 2 menjak ni. Besok baru meja clear. Mungkin esok berenti membingit lah. Awal2 hari tu tengok kak teh pon tak update, anedra pon tak update, tak le rasa bersalah sangat. Minggu ni nengok semua orang aktif .. alamak.. pressure pressure!
Esok! Esok!

Ijun!
(slap you on the wrists, slap slap slap!)

6:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OOD, we want more, we want more...

1:52 AM  
Anonymous hartini said...

hehehehe! that was a good one!!! :D I was at the edge of my seat, thinking ok, ada cerita hantu.... rupa2nye cicak! hahaha! i pun geli cicak... bulu roma naik oii...!! hehehe

by the way, what happened to that pond???? betul ke ada momok?

10:24 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

hartini,
the pond takdak momok pon (lama tak dengar the word! Kesian Momok Latiff, i pon takut momok!)

And kenapa entah, cicak on the ceiling always choose that moment i lalu bawah dia utk gam dia habis, jatuh smack on me. I am CURSED!

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

pls details how you slove the problem of the POME Treatment Ponds

9:00 PM  

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