See No C.

I suspect that I have cancer. But then again, I suspect everyone has at least one type of cancer. Small, big, rapid, slow, benign, malignant - cancers. Except not everyone dies from it, other diseases, other factors get to us before cancer does - like old age maybe.

I suspect myself of having this particular type of cancer since maybe 5 or 6 years ago. Never wanted to deal with it yet because there was so much to do. I wanted to have babies, win the rat race, etc all before I sit down and deal with the problem. Cancer could jolly well wait, I had other better things to do. But you see, that was not the only reason. I was also afraid of the unknown. Ignorance is bliss? You bet.

Now that I have given birth to three kids, tired of the rat-eats-rat-race and I am quitting my job soon, I feel the time has come for me to face my fears.

Went to see a GP a few days ago and after consulting him on the issue, he agreed that I might have cancer, but of course, a biopsy is needed to determine whether the growth is an object of sore or just an object of bore. The doctor gave me a referral letter to a surgeon and another letter for my HR department. This letter among others carried the word 'malignant'.

Back at the office, I handed the letter to HR and waited for them to issue a Guarantee Letter. Then the HR boss came to see me. The word 'malignant' caught her attention and nothing else. She told me that I shouldn’t go do 'it' - whatever 'it' was at a specialist's clinic. It's probably nothing, she said. GP likes to scare us. All you need to do is go see a GP, spread your legs, they'll do the swab, send to lab and then you'll know that it is just nothing. To alleviate your fears, at a GP's clinic, it will only cost the company RM30, as opposed to RM300 if you go do it at a specialist's. Aaah…. simple maths, simple solution to a leeeetle ploblem.

I got pissed off big time because, she never even asked me what or where. My suspicious area is nowhere near the cervics or breast. And, why would GPs scare us into seeing specialists? They would benefit more if they insist to do all procedures themselves, wouldn’t they? And cancer-fears should not be brushed aside. I don’t go see a specialist simply because I have the sniffles. I am responsible enough to not splurge the company's money on unnecessary attention from a specialist. I may have delayed having the thing looked at for many many years, but I do believe that cancer should always be taken seriously. If the roles were reversed, if I were in her shoes, I would advise the staff to hurry hurry go have it checked. Having a biopsy done early might just save the company's money after all. If she suspects herself of cancer, would she compromise on the treatment at all, just so the company can save a few RM?

In the end, I got tired of the process. I guess, cancer will have to wait again.

HOPEFULLY it is NOT cancer though. Amin. Amin.