Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Thank You

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I wonder who invented ‘thank you’. I would like to go up to her (my gut feeling says she is a woman) and say ‘thank you’ for enabling me to sum all that i feel towards you in a word as simple as benign as ‘thank you’.

Thank you for all the words of encouragement. Through here, smses, phone calls and emails, or even discreet doas. I am comforted in the knowledge that I have you rallying behind me, always ready to prop me up again should I slump, ever ready to crutch me should I falter, ever willing to help.

Thank you for genuinely being a friend.

My Emak is now in GHKL. That day I went back home? I found out that the toe wasn’t blue, it was black. Even to my untrained eyes, I could see that it was gangrene. No wonder she was in so much pain! Took her to a specialist hospital and they said they didn’t have a vascular surgeon. We were to find this surgeon ourself! Where, I asked? Maybe in Malacca hospital, maybe in HKL or HUKM, the doctor wasn’t so sure. But one thing he could tell me confidently was that there was no such surgeon in Johore. Whoa!

So we bundled her up, put her in the car and drove down to KL. By the time we reach Sungei Besi toll, Emak had started to lose grip. Her eyes rolled and ~ i have difficulty describing this ~ like popped out from the socket, she had breathing difficulty and she was delirious. She croaked out her children’s names and asked for them and she mentioned words scary taboo like‘mati’. The traffic wasn’t very kind, typical of KL but Yamtuan was really flooring it. I held her hands and told her to be patient and i practically left the kids to helter skelter in the car. The amazing thing was, even though my heart was beating furiously and my ears felt so hot with all the rush of blood, and deep-down I was reduced to a scaredy little girl; I managed to maintain my cool. I felt somewhat detached from it all. And anguished me could see a different me taking over the situation, cool and calm.

We reached Emergency & Admission, they wheeled her into semi-critical section and I went with her. And then things happened like in the tv. Needles and tubes and lotsa people in white drapes behind blue curtains and my heart was doing the F1 and etc etc..

Soon her condition stabilized. She was hypoglycemia (2.3) and hypertension (230/150).

That was Tuesday 27th Sept. Almost two weeks ago.

She is still at Ward 12 of GHKL. Her blood sugar yoyo-es between 0.5 to 14. Her BP is almost always on the high side. One toe remains black, two are turning more blue-black-er by the day. Today they will do angio. We should know when the surgery will take place after today.

Caring for Emak is not easy. It is heart-wrenching and very very trying. Like I told Nazrah and Imp, it is not the toilet business that is difficult. Not at all. We were all born from between our mom’s toilets anyway, front and back. So cleaning her is not a problem at all.

But having to be brave and strong is tough.
Seeing her in pain, is tough.
Seeing her face when doctors refuse to give more morphines and painkillers, is tough.
Hearing her plead to me to let her keep the toes, is tough.
Forcing her to eat and drink, is tough.
Stifling my tears, is tough.

But I am okay. Yamtuan is a balm to my battered soul. He takes care of the kids (they are both demam pulak tu) and he does his sahur and berbuka by himself. He doesn’t complaint a tiny bit. These all so I can have only one worry, just Mak. He and the kids don’t become part of the problem. We are both tired and sleep-deprived but he understands the sacrifices that we all have to make and so he remains to be supportive. And I thank God for him.

And I have the doas, hugs and kisses from all you wonderful people. And I am also armed with air zamzam from Nefertiti. And I know now what surahs to read to her and what doas to recite to calm her nerves. And I know God knows what is in my heart. And i know too that He knows what is best. So I am not worried and I am not so afraid anymore.

I am okayee ok.

Thank you friends.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

OOD,I pray that your mental and physical strength would not deplete. Insya Allah all of you would brave this storm. Just hang on there.

9:17 PM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Just hang in there OOD. Things will be better Insyaallah, one way or the other. Redha aje lah OK.

You need to hug the yamtuan for being such a considerate husband. He is a gem!!

10:30 PM  
Anonymous hartini said...

Ood, keep being the strong woman you are.


11:10 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

OOD - you are doing well,and keep it up. My thoughts are with you!

11:43 PM  
Blogger ummi said...

Glad to see you back.
You are sorely missed here.

don't know where to get air zam zam, nor give you any good surah to recite...but can offer myself as your crutches. I'm definitely bigger than supporting you won't be a problem.

Hang in there.

11:52 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

hey girl, hang in there. you're tiny but you're one helluva strong gal! You said it, God knows best..have faith. InsyaAllah and love ya lotssssss!

12:12 AM  
Blogger shidah said...

OOD stay strong, i hope the barakah of ramadhan is with you. I'll pray for you, inshaallah.

6:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hope everything will turn out fine for you.
keep the faith and keep believin' in Him..


9:17 AM  
Blogger RedKebaya said...

thanks for the update. was wondering what was happening with u n ur mom. alhamdulillah, you've been blessed with the nikmat of caring for her and the oportunity to make up for any 'kekurangan' whether real or imaginary. i pray you n the family have the strength & patience to see this through.

5:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May Allah rewards you lots for your patience and sacrifice.

7:57 PM  
Anonymous nohachomel said...

kak ood,

hang in there and take care!

u r blessed with yamtuan as ur hubby, Alhamdulillah!

10:25 PM  
Blogger Ely said...

oody, u know that we're all here doa ing for u. we're here for u oody.

big big hug!

6:49 AM  
Blogger dr in the house said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:31 PM  
Blogger dr in the house said...

your mum is blessed to have you and you, to have Yamtuan. Insyallah be strong for whatever the outcome is.

4:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OOD, Semoga your mother cepat sembuh Insya Allah.

5:39 PM  
Blogger Empty Heart said...

You're very right, the hardest bit is to be strong enuff to see ur mum in pain ... Sometimes, even the strongest heart crumbles momentarily ... its okay u know, to sometimes feel helpless ... But never give in to helplessness, kesabaran u dlm ramadhan ni byk pahalanya ...
do take care ...

9:58 PM  
Blogger MA said...

Ood : My prayers are with you.Stay strong.

11:45 PM  
Blogger Uja said...

Dear Ood

So sorry this is a bit late. In this Ramadan, may Allah grant you and your family kesabaran dan keredhaan.

There is hikmah in everything, insya'allah.

We all shld all say thank you to you too for being Ood,the good daughter that you have been and kind enough to share your journey with us here, in blogsphere.

2:35 PM  
Anonymous atn said...

ood, i jauh, nak tolong apa pun tak boleh, hanya boleh berdoa agar yr mother cepat sembuh dan diberi kekuatan utk menghadapi dugaan ini. you are a very good daughter and i bet yamtuan pun realize this. insyaAllah, you akan dibalas dengan anak2 yg baik juga.

5:10 PM  
Blogger hana_kirana said...

Semoga semuanya dalam keadaan yang baik. Mudah-mudahan your mom cepat sembuh. InsyaAllah

8:06 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

thank you. Insya-Allah.

yes, despite the many dugaans, i consider myself bertuah. Alhumdulillah.


kakteh & anedra & Tuang AG,
thank you. You know all the smses of semangat and doa, i never deleted! They help. And i read them often. Thanks.

thanks for extending the love to my mom too. I must learn urut from you. Thanks.

thank you. I am glad for ramadhan. mak seems calmer too.

you know i am glad that my dugaan comes in the form of hardship rather than kesenangan. Tak lah susah sangat sebenarnya, kan?

5:42 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

you are right. This is nikmat. Everytime i bathe her, pakaikan dia baju, comb her hair and do all the things that she once did for me, i become humbled and i thank God for letting me the chance to mother and nurse her. i am glad. Thanks.

thank you. Insya-Allah. I bersyukur despite it all. Thanks.

noha chomel,
alhumdulillah, now i must be a blessing to him too kan? Semoga dia pon rasa bertuah to have me.

me miss you!! Thanks, i know you are there for me.

dr in the house,
are you a doctor?
Thanks for the doas. it helps, you know.

Insya-Allah. Thank you.

5:49 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

empty heart,
thanks. Thank God for ramadhan. For some reasons, it is easier to be patient this month! And my mak is calm and she tolerates her pain well too. Must be the barakah of the month ya?

mak andeh,
thank you. When i read that piece you wrote about your mom, i thought i could empathise with you, what with my father's death and all. But now that i am caring for my mak the way you must have done for yours, i know now that nothing equals the feeling. And from your experience and doas from friends and family, i gather my strength. Thank you..

thank you. I always tell my mak, that my friends all mendoakan her health, and when i say that, i actually mean you all. Faceless you all may be, but your friendship and the sincerity of your hearts are as real as real can be. Thanks.

thank you. I know i have a friend in you. never mind the distance, never mind knowing only your nick. Thank you for the doas.

insya-Allah. Everyday is a new day and like her doctor said, there is always hope. I have faith. I have hope. And i have the support of doas from friends too. Thank you.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Ms.B said...

At least Mom's just a stone's throw away now. I can read the relief in your blog post. Keep it up, girl, you've been doing wonders with her!!

5:38 PM  
Blogger anasalwa said...

I'm glad to hear your mother is getting better. You were so braved and strong. My thought is with you.

7:31 PM  

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