Sunday, September 25, 2005

Mothering Emak

Mak is only 55 years old. Although I think 55 is a cosy number ~ I would call her ‘still young’ ~ she feels her age, or maybe older. Sometimes I feel she purposely will herself to be every bit 55 for reasons only known to her. Age is all in the mind, isnt it? At 55, she is very sick and very old.

She has the whole package of illnesses. It started with high blood pressure. Pretty soon after that was diagnosed, she was found to be diabetic. And then daily intake of all those pills have lead her to have a failing kidney. She is on the way to total renal failure. It is only a matter of time before she needs dialysis.

Mak complained of pain in her right foot since two weeks ago. I thought nothing of it until my sister said that the toes have turned bluish and the sole was very very cold. I immediately called my doctor friends and they confirmed my suspicion. That the fine blood vessels to the toes have been constricted and blood flow to the area was severely compromised.

I rushed home Johor and took her to a specialist hospital.

The doctor said they did not have the doppler equipment to conduct tests on her. And so he wrote a letter for us to bring to Sultanah Aminah’s public hospital in JB.

Off we rushed her to JB. It turned out that all the pain and anxiety have made her blood pressure went sky high. Upon admission the systole was way above 200. Of course she was warded.

And so for a week she was there, the doctors were mostly busy trying to bring down her BP. For the foot, they gave some medications to dilute the blood and unclog her blood vessels but the medications were all at a very mild dosage due to her kidney. She was released with her next appointment set in October.

Mak came back Kluang with toes still bluish. And feet still icy cold. And still in pain.

If anything, the pain has now worsened.

Along called. She said, mak is practically suffering. She shivers and sweats and cries all the time. She could not eat or sleep from the acute pain. Nothing that Along tried is of use. But on a positive note, the toes are red again except for one.

I told Along that maybe the pain is a good sign, it means blood is coming back into the toes, isn’t it? But the pain is too much for Mak to bear. The painkillers given are of no help. They are the mild type, again, in consideration of her kidneys. And Mak crying in pain is something totally new. She has always been a stoic gal. Even during labor, she could eat her favorite putu piring in between pushes.

I received a message from Along just now. Mak wants all her children home.

Despite the plea from Mak, my Bro will only be going back this weekend. He has classes to attend.

As for me, I can only go back at the earliest tomorrow evening. I am quitting my job. Instead of giving them a month’s notice, I only gave 10 days. My employer has been kind enough to just close one eye to the balance 20 days. This means, I don’t have to pay them for breaching the contract. I cannot take leave. I have none left. And because the time left is now only another week, I need the time to responsibly transfer over work to someone else. I really can’t just leave. And I will be starting a new job in October.

But I know I only have one Mak. And I know for her I would die many times over. So come tomorrow I will tell Boss that I really have to be in Johor. And if it means he will want me to pay the 20 days, I guess I will have to. At the least, I need to call a meeting tomorrow morning to properly brief the guy who’s going to take over my work. And I will have to call the new office too in case I need to join them later than the promised date. And if it means i will lose the offer, so be it.

The journey back this time will be an adventurous one for I will be taking the public transport. I will have to bring Sun with me because he is after all THE breast-pump. Hopefully he will not be so boisterous on the trip.

Sigh… a mother dedicated her life to her children. When her children are sick, she never considers looking after the sick ones as an option. She doesn’t give excuses. Nothing can ever be far too important than her children. The word ‘susah’ is never in her dictionary.

How can I, as a daughter of this fine mother, turn my face away when she is in pain? How can I deny her the comfort of her children? How can I be calculative of time, energy and money so much so that I can’t just drop off everything to be with her like she must have done for me numerous times? What kind of a daughter am i if i want to jaga hati my bosses more than my own mother's? And what kind of an example am i giving my Dot if i choose to fuss over her than my own sick Mak? Dot will be okay with her buah-hati of a father. Mak needs me more. The roles have been reversed. And i am glad i am now given the chance to mother her.

The past few months have been months of one test after the other for me. Not the easiest of months. God must know that i am strong and worthy of these tests although i may think otherwise. And so i shall be. He knows best.

Please doa for my Mak’s recovery. And please doa too that I would not fail her.

Sunday, 25th Sept 2005


Blogger Ely said...

oody, i am so sorry abt ur mom. if my mom would like my to go home cos she is sick, i would in a heartbeat cos its my job as her daughter.

like u said, just one mom...priceless!

ok gurl have a good trip and pls be discreet with the son! hehehe

8:11 PM  
Blogger noha chomel said...

kak ood,

buat apa yang terbaik untuk akak sekeluarga especially ur mom, insyaAllah, dengan restu dari mak, kerja, duit dan kebahagiaan akan datang lagi.

semoga mak cepat sembuh, dan semoga perjalanan akak selamat ke tempat dituju


10:21 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

ood, am so sorry about this predicament. Will doa for your mum and for you.many of us are facingthe same thing. Nazrah too. I have been in denial and refused to think abou the 'what if's' but everyday i pray that Allah gives me the opportunity to spend hari raya with Mak. You are near her..go and be with her. and remember , we are all with you too. and its funny saying this because we have never met, but we love you too!

11:11 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

oody, I hope and pray yr mom recovers soon. We can only try our best to do whatever we can for them. Just make effort to tell/show her u love her as much as you can. Mothers will always uderstand, they know their children best. And I'm sure your mom knows u love her and wd do yr best for her too! Such blessings aren't they, mothers?

11:42 PM  
Blogger faux diamante said...

ood cayang,

nak tulis tak tertulis,this touched a raw nerve. hang in there okay...takde anak nak berbuat zalim pada ibu dan takde ibu mengharap apa2 dari anak-anak. Go with Allah.

My prayers for her speedy recovery and your new job.

11:49 PM  
Blogger dr in the house said...

Ood, I hope I can be like you when my mom needs to be taken of. May this fine deed of yours suffice to grant you the best of Allah's belssing. Insyallah.

*p.s. I hope you didn't really mean when you say that all the medications caused her kidney to fail :)

12:25 AM  
Blogger hana_kirana said...

Ameen.. Mudah-mudahan semuanya selamat... nak nombor tepon..!

1:26 AM  
Blogger ummi said...

you do not fail your mom M.By taking the risk of penalty from your present office and not getting the job from the new already a priceless sacrifice.

My do'a for both you and your mom.
Hang in there M....

2:23 AM  
Blogger shidah said...

ood: Have a safe journey, and i pray for both, you and your mother. Amin.

2:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OOD...I pray that you be strong thorughout this test. Prioritise and hope that the other matters would be taken care. Insya Allah she will get well soon. Perhaps get her warded in KL where you can take care of her better.

5:04 AM  
Anonymous hartini said...

Ood, my doas for your mom and family. InsyaAllah she will get well soon and that you will be able to assist her...

6:37 AM  
Blogger Lydia Teh said...

Ood, sorry to hear about your mak. Hope she'll be fine soon. Be strong for her.

6:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am just a stranger and i may not know what you are going trough. But, i pray that you will be strong to face this predicament and i pray for your safety, too. And, it's okay to cry, too...


9:11 AM  
Blogger Queen Of The House said...

You are doing the best and the most appropriate thing. I remember my late grandma telling me of how she took care of her MIL because to her, it was just her duty. And my mom took care of my grandma, refusing to to hire a maid, "as long as I am still able, it is my duty" she said.

Be strong. May your mom have a speedy recovery.

6:32 PM  
Blogger born-again drama queen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:00 PM  
Blogger born-again drama queen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:02 PM  
Blogger AuntieYan. said...

Dear Ood, feel sorry about your mum. To me, she is still young at 55, 'cause I'm 50 you know. My mak is already 77, God bless her and may Allah bless your mak too.

8:36 PM  
Blogger Nae said...

Ood, hope ur mom will get better. You're a great daughter. Take care...

10:07 PM  
Blogger MA said...

Ood : My prayers are with you and your Mak.

Do not worry about your punca rezeki. Allah works in mysterious ways.

You are right - we have only one mother. I would do anything I can just to have my Mak back.

You still have her. Love her while you still can.

10:19 PM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Insyaallah OOD, go take care of your mak, she will need this time with her.

Let Allah take care of the rest (Tawakal pada dia).


5:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


So sorry to hear about your mom. There is a blessing in disguise in everything that happens.My doa's for you and your mom.


3:58 PM  
Blogger anasalwa said...

All my prayers with you and your Mak. Be strong, you do the right thing.

4:55 PM  
Blogger RedKebaya said...

good moms, bad moms.. doesnt really matter coz where would we be w/out our maks?

my duas that ur mak gets better soon and that god grants you the strength & patience to take really good care of her.

12:58 AM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

OOD - we are here with you.

12:32 AM  
Blogger Ms.B said...

Ood, this is my first time here, and I think it's perhaps the best time to land on this blog. One way or another, one time or another, we will all be facing this predicament with our mamas and papas. Some sooner than later. Your mak is younger than my mama, and yet, I don't think I'm half the daughter you are. My prayers and thoughts to out to you and mak. And seek Allah always. Salams.

5:39 AM  
Blogger MamiJarum said...

Our prayers are with your mum! InshaAllah everything will be okay! Just take care of yourself okay!!!! We all will always be here for praying for you!!!

5:52 AM  
Blogger Linda said...

sis ood; reading your post leading me into teary eyes..i do hv similar condition like yours ni early this year. critical situation. However, my doa will be with you n yr famili. Hope makchik will get well soooonn..

1:33 AM  
Blogger anggerik merah said...

ood, I am not sure what to write. Will pray for your mom's recovery.

3:29 PM  
Blogger Empty Heart said...

I pray for ur mum, for u, and for u whole entire family ...
I know the feeling .. having lost my own father at age of 16 ...
Ur scarifice, will not go unnoticed ..
Allah will reward u, sebagai anak yg solehah ...
Doa anak yg soleh/solehah, is the best gift, any parent could haf ..
And ur mum is amongst the lucky ones to haf children like u ..

my prayers to u ..

9:40 PM  
Blogger atenah said...

may Allah bless yr mom, i think He already did, as He gave her YOU


8:23 PM  
Blogger Awang Goneng said...

My prayers for your Mum. My prayers for you too, her lovely daughter. God bless you both.

8:56 AM  
Blogger RedKebaya said...

Just peeking in to see if theres any recent development... i'm hoping no news means good news.

Also taking this oppotunity to wish you n family a blessed Ramadhan Al Mubarak.

Take care Ood.

12:33 AM  

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