Friday, August 31, 2007

Heart Burn

Last night we were at a Yamtuan’s bestfriend’s house.. The wife’s sister was there too. I never really liked this friend's wife. She was a bit too girlish for me. Very giggly and sickeningly-cute, I couldn’t stand her. But she was after all 10 years younger than me. She may annoy me, but she was a friend’s wife. And I was a guest in her house. So, I tolerated her the best I could. Her sister? She was 20. Looked exactly like her but the girlishness playmate characteristics all? Amplified.

The two of them, annoyed the crap out of me. But Yamtuan seemed smitten by them. Especially the kid sister. She wanted Yamtuan’s help with her resume, and then she was kind of hoping that Yamtuan could help her either get a job at his uni or get her a place as a student there. Any course. The one that Yamtuan taught would be better – of course. And so Yamtuan and her, kept having the need to find some quiet spot in the house to discuss how he could be of help to her.

I could tell Yamtuan was absolutely smitten. The way he floated and beamed, what wife wouldn’t know?

Just now in the car.

Dot was sitting in the back. I don’t know where Sun was.

You seem to like her very much, I said.
‘Yes,’, he answered. I have always known Yamtuan to be an honest guy. Painfully honest, sometimes.
What are you going to do about it? I asked.
‘I don’t know.’
You don’t know. Would you rather be with her than me?
‘Right now, yes.’
Why? Have I not been good enough to you, and for you?
‘at the moment, I don’t want to think beyond the fact that I want to be with her.’
Just like that. What have I done wrong?
‘Ever since the pregnancy, you’ve been cold and distant from me. We don’t even talk. You are always too tired to even sit down and watch tv with me. I am lonely.’
You are lonely. How pitiful. You think I am pregnant by myself? Didn’t you contribute at all? YOU made me pregnant and pregnancy makes me tired all the time. You think I will myself to be tired? If you care to remember, throughout all the previous ones, I was like this too. Couldn’t you bear with me?
‘like I said, I don’t want to think. I want to be with her. Are you going to be difficult?’
No I wont. Why don’t you stop the car here right now, let me out.
‘Okay’ and he stopped the car.
I climbed out from the car and looked at Dot.
‘Dot, come with me.’ I called out to her.
‘No, I want a new mummy’
And the door was slammed shut.

I swaggered off from the car. Funny, the car was a volkswagon. And I was infront of Harrod’s. When did we buy a volks? What were we doing in London?

I watched him sped off without even looking back at me. That was when it hit me hard.

The feeling was like a mammoth-sized ball, hitting me right smack on the chest and I was taken over, engulfed by such grief that I dint know how to even cry. I bent over in pain and how the pain smouldered me. All of our 5-year long marriage unfolded before my eyes, the laughter and happiness that we have shared, that magical day when we were married, memories of each childbirths where he stood strong by myside, the holidays we went together, the time when I was sick and he nursed me back to health day and night, .. funny how the sweetest memories turned out to be the memories that hurt you the most. I couldn’t remember the bad times. It was all good ones and they all hurt. They shattered into millions of tiny pieces that flew all about me and cut into my skin and my eyes.

And I fell to the ground , there on the wet pavement infront of Harrod’s. The tears finally arrived.

And someone shook my shoulder. It was Yamtuan.

‘Wake up! Wake up!’
I woke up but the tears wouldn’t stop.
‘Lain kali nak tidur baca-bacalah sikit.. Astafar!’
I tried. It calmed me down and then I stock-take the surrounding.

I wasn’t in London (drats!). No. I was on the bed with Yamtuan and the kids, here in Malaysia on its 50th national day. We were at Dataran Merdeka this morning for the Merdeka celebration, and the moment we reached home, we all took a nap. That friend’s manja-manja wife? She doesn’t even have sisters.

Phew, just a dream! But you see, this is something that happens to me always during all my pregnancies. The nightmares. There are only two themes; either Yamtuan leave me or there is an attack of baby ghosts. Either I would wake up sobbing or screaming. Sometimes Yamtuan would find me thrashing out in my sleep while reciting out loud verses from the Quran. Sometimes, even surahs that consciously I don’t memorise too.

The dreams are always too vivid. I would be affected for days!

Thus why, I decided to write about the dream I just had, right away. So it would be done and over with.

And Happy National Day, all!


Blogger Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Mmmm...London....Knightsbridge? Let's fine another meaning of that dream. Are you unconsciously nak hambek Yamtuan poei boli baju budak kek Harrods or ado raso-raso nak tingga Yamtuan for that Al Fayed man?

Happy Merdeka Day

3:18 PM  
Blogger ruby ahmad said...

Hi Ood,

Happy Merdeka.

Ooh! What a terrible dream. I pun palpitated reading that horrible drama between you and Yamtuan. I naik marah lagi dekat Yamtuan...duh! Ha ha. Talking about Yamtuan and to think I just met one recently..duh! Cheers dear.

8:42 PM  
Blogger ruby ahmad said...

I mean the royal one..he he.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Nazrah said...

buek terkojut eden yo lah!!!

i had a similar dream during my 1st trimester,i dreamt mr boss sped off in a convertible with a leggy mosquito on the passenger's seat.and i was sulking for days afterwards.

blame it on hormones!

3:14 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

Hjh Esah Jolie,

hik hik hik...
dont la make me blush! Abang Fayed and i kawan biasa je lah...
pssst... you know, abang Fayed suka lauk asam pedas.. rahsia, jangan citer orang, i tak kose nak layan gosip liar..

*giggle giggle*

Hi Ruby,
Merdeka Day to you too!
Horrible dream indeed! I woke up sad, angry and hating him!
You just met The Yamtuan? My Yamtuan claims to be royal too. dia suku Apache.

what issit about hormones kan? This morning, i came to work crying all the way in the LRT because i heard over the radio that Tun is undergoing another bypass tomorrow...

6:23 PM  
Anonymous kna said...


Sometimes when I have nightmares (especially those involving ghosts), I tend to recite Alfatihah and ayat Kursi and some other verses. Wifey told me this gives her the creeps everytime I had nightmares.

What would Freud say about this?

Btw, please send your drama/dream script to RTM 1 :-P.


7:55 PM  
Blogger JoKontan said...

Oody :

There's soo many kinda Volkswagen outhere ! There are Jetta, Golf, Polo, Passat, GTi, Carravelle, Tuaregs, and not to forget the Beetle.

And I tell you, Different Volkswagen interprets differently.

If it was the Beetle,. after delivering the third you're gonna be Prosperous and Fabulously Wealthy.

Dun forget to send in the Script to RTM 1, that's the starting point..


Take Care.

p/s Nazrah : Convertibles ? Hard Top or Soft Cover ?

8:24 PM  
Blogger dith said...


I knew Yamtuan has always been a good guy thus I immediately knew there was a catch to the sob story! :p

Btw, I too hate giggly gatal girl, :))

10:54 PM  
Blogger Lollies said...

OMG. I thought I am the only one with these dreams. It is so real that I cried even after waking up. And accused and eyed him suspiciously. The only thing I can't remember whether it was only during pregnancy or not.

12:03 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

hehe... my late father would azan! The whole kampung would hear! Bukan your wife je takut bro, segala hantu jembalang pon lari pi semunyi in toilet!

bro jo,
it was a BEETLE!!! Thank you! Thank you! Yippeedee yeee yay! I am gonna be rich!
Skrip hantar RTM! Sekarang jugak i mail it! Umie Aida to play me, Ako Mustapha to play Yamtuan, can?

Dr House,
and my 'coolness' pon cannot be real too. In real life, if he really kick me ut of the car for some gedik girls or even girls yang tak gedik, i would cabut the paku from my tengkuk and be the pontianak that i really am! I am NOT called Maya Crane because i look like Maya Karin! (i hope he reads this, hehehe)

i have asked around, apparently nightmares happen a lot to the pregnant. We must be afraid of something deep within to have such vivid horrible dreams... Hmmm..

6:26 PM  
Blogger Roti Kacang Merah said...

aiyoh semput aku baca.

so Yasmin Ahmad-ish. heh.

dun do like dat again, can or not. heartburn sama, woh...

2:27 AM  
Blogger anasalwa said...

Phewww..... Ood,
What a relief. For a while I was like, "that son of a mother". Dream or not it was an unpleasant experience. But I'm glad it was a dream.

3:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cisss.. sungguh dramatik siri drama mimpi dalam mimpi ini!!hahaha!


9:53 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

roti km,
sesemputsemput yang membaca, semput lagi orang yang merasa..
tu yang Yamtuan angin tu, bila i tiba-tiba angin kat dia! hehehe..

hehe... imagine me having to go through the repeated ordeal of being ditched by him for many different girls - over and over again! Aiyoyohhhhhh... berdarah-darah beb!

hari ni bolehlah gelak. Ketika ia nya berlaku, owhhhhhhh.... bukan nangis lagi, mengongoiii tau!

11:17 PM  
Blogger Queen Of The House said...

Aaaaahhhh (or is it aaarrrggghhh!) the vivid dreams of a pregnant woman. I so remember them (and hate them). But don't you worrylah Oody, your Yamtuan in his right mind will surely not fall for a gedik girl.

Take care, and jangan lupa basuh kaki sebelum tidur!

12:04 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

i will let you in on a little secret: Yamtuan in his right mind is a fan of ELLA.
Ella. The Ella.
Enough said, kan?

4:23 AM  
Blogger all jazzed up said...

ood, i have a feeling i'll be hanging out at your blog quite often. rib-tickling entry. loads of suspense too.

9:37 AM  
Blogger Uncle said...

Ood, the hormones, the nightmares and the Beetle...Now, from the husband's perspectives: why getting all the suspicions, the spying, the stress for nothing? Might as well do it for real, eh? Hahahaha!

9:11 PM  
Blogger intan said...

Celaka betoi!!! Aku nyaris lagi nak telepon hang dari Jakarta semata-mata nak pujuk and menyumpah2 betina gatal tu. Hah hambek kau!

MAYA CRANE WEII...Lain kali nak bagi jantung orang tercopot tu cuba buat signal sikit.

-gue in Jakarta till friday -

8:35 AM  
Blogger elisataufik said...

heh heh .. and I thought I was the only one who has these dreams. and my husband thinks there's something wrong with me. (but my dreams are not restricted to just when I am pregnant.. so camner?)

btw, heard from nazrah about the passing of your mom, inalillah and al-fatihah for her.
May you be strong, dear.

1:20 AM  
Blogger Blabarella said...

Seems like so many of us pregnant women have these vivid dreams.

Anyway, more importantly, am here to sampaikan my salam takziah re arwah your mother. Was alerted via nazrah's. Al-Fatihah.

9:10 AM  
Blogger Ely said...

congrats on the pregnancy!!!

u might want to ask my husband what happened on my 1st trimester. there was no dream, i left the house and drove off with my 2 kids. it was soooo bad, so so bad, the drama was so so bad. but i survived.

11:56 AM  

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