Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Things you Must Never Say to a Woman

(Berdasarkan Kisah Benar. Identiti sebenar dirahsiakan atas permintaan popular)

At a company’s annual dinner.
Fay the Secretary was standing at a corner with her husband (married for about a year) exchanging small talks with some guests. The Director went to her and said, ‘Congratulations you two! When is the baby due? Looks like it is going to be soon!’ She wasn’t pregnant. She just looked it. Later in the week, she actually tendered in her resignation letter.
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At a friend’s house.
Her date arrived to pick her up. They were planning to go do the usual dating ritual, watch movie and then dinner. The first thing he said when he saw her was, ‘why you look like Batman?’ She was wearing all black. Surprise surprise, the budding relationship never got through the ‘bud’ stage. They broke off.
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Again, at a dinner function.
She went to the dinner in her best dress and hair done up Nellie-Oleson-from-Little-House-on-the-Prairies style. One of the guests saw her and exclaimed, ‘OMG, who did your hair?’ in front of everyone. Totally killed her self-confidence!
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Wedding night.
The groom took one look at the wife and asked, ‘is that IT?’ I cant describe his intonation or his face as she told it to me, but let’s just say the exchange of words that followed wasn’t at all the kind of thing one would expect coming from a blushing-bride and eager-groom. Bumpy start for a marriage.
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A friend was sort of dating with this one guy. They were both not young and sort of looking for second chances. Mature relationship, one would say. She couldn’t meet him as planned and so texted him something about ‘sorry I had to cancel. I miss you’ to which he replied, ‘no worries, I am with another girl. But of course, being with you would be better.’ Ok, maybe mature relationship with a not-so-mature man, one would say now? If she wasn’t crying as she was telling it to me, I probably would laugh at how comical the situation was. Poor girl.
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Woman absolutely hate it when:-
1) you remind her that she’s fat.
Even if she looks very pregnant and probably are having contractions also and begs you to send her to a Rumah Bersalin, you just assume that she just had had too much to eat. Give her ENO, enough. Not unless she declares it, she is NOT PREGNANT.

2) you don’t appreciate the effort she puts in for looking her best for you .
So what if her hair looks silly and standing beside her makes you look like Charles Ingall Wilder? Even without her by your side, you already look like charles the farmer on a bad-hay day what..

3) you remind her that you’re superficial and marry her only for bodylicious reasons.
i know it always is the number one reason. But halloo... do due-diligence can or not so you dont get any surprises when the purchase is finally unwrapped?

4) you compare her to other girls
big no no NO NEHI NEVER. No one woman is comparable to the next. Each woman is an apple, or orange (me, definitely a pear) or mangosteen or what-have-you. Where can compare one laidet? Each in a class of its own. Each one the prettiest and the best in her own little class and no one else shares the class with her. Cannot compare one. Unless your tongue is insured. If you value it, bite it hard. Dont say.

5) you have a list of girls to try-and-error on and she's in the list too.
If you do have a list or one whole directory of girls to woo, aiyoh, be discreet can or not? Some people!!

Foolproof Conduct:
If you have nothing nice to say, DONT SAY.

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Blogger dith said...

How about men? Are they so hard-hearted that we can say anything into their faces? :))

5:41 PM  
Blogger Ely said...

all those are trap statements kan? if my husband ever say such statements, habis dia tak panjang umur!

6:23 AM  
Blogger JoKontan said...

Few year back my friend's wife went to a salon for a good half day to get her hair done.

She even took a half day leave.

When she arrived home that nite, her hubby was really excited. I mean reaally excited. Tooo excited to contain his words..

Yang,. yang rambut nii lawa laa yang.. Macam hapar tuu.


Ooooops,. The rest is just history..

Ooody tumpang lalu..


Men, Yes, Most of time, you can anything into their faces. I Believe you'd know better.

But kenkadang, Hati ini ter-toreh juaa..


8:45 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

Dr House,
Men? I dont have that many samples to derive conclusions from lah.. With Yamtuan kena declare if i want to hurt him, 'O Hubby, i am going to say this and i meant it to hurt you so you better be hurt, ok?'. Otherwise dia blur.

hehe... but we still want to keep them around, so we'll be lenient towards them, wont we? Otherwise, who'll fix the pipes for us?

Bro Jo,
Badut? Ouch! Men can be so unbelievably inconsiderate sometimes kan? But (takut DITH sound), of course, so can us women.

But you i am not worried about! Let me quote you "great taste because i chose you" and "teenage looking lady" all in reference to Ma'am of course. Smooth talker, beb. Hehe... *kowtow kowtow*

8:00 PM  
Anonymous kna said...

One fine day, 9 years ago maybe I was wlaking in Sogo, KL when I saw my schoolmate at the ground floor quite a distance away. She looks pregnant. Then I bumped into her hubby who actually is 3 years our senior in high school. They got married about 1 year b4. She was one of the top girl in our school in term of beauty. So slim and fair.

So I asked the hubby, "Bro, dah baper bulan A.... pregnant.? The hubby looked at me indignantly and told me she wasn't pregnant. Hahahahaha!!!

One fine day, my wife went to see her new HR manager and starting a small talk asked her how advanced is her pregnancy. She told my wife she is not pregnant but has some sort of benign tumour in her womb. 1 month later my wife resigned.


7:30 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

*knock you on the head*
i tell you, be on the lookout for maternity wear. If her blouse has loads of pleats in the front or tied back with string ka ribbon ka, she MIGHT be pregnant. Otherwise she's NOT!

kalau i jadi your wife osso i resign! Hehehe..

yesterday i bumped into an old fren and he asked me why i look 'SO kembang, ada isi ka' Chitt.. if the police jumpa his body in the gutter in Bangi, it wasnt me!

6:04 PM  

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