Monday, March 20, 2006

Can't switch them off.

No you cannot.

You have a bad day at the office. Like true professionals, your bosses throw tantrum, furniture goes flying and being the plankton that you are, you get eaten alive, raw with wasabe. And your colleagues all get some kind of promotion except for you. And you are so swamped with assignments that you miss lunch.

And you are required to stay back and finish some reports that must be faxed over like yesterday. By the time you can leave the office, it is raining so heavily the people in Shah Alam are already crying. Then your umbrella develops a huge ED problem. It just wont bloom, you know what I mean? You get to the car drenched to the bones. The traffic is exceptionally horrendous and the aircond gives one tiny cough of cool air and then it rests in peace – gas to gas. Humidity in the car reaches 100%.

Throughout the journey back, you have evolved into a huge bear with toothache and PMS.

It is past nine by the time you reach home. Sore aching body, splitting headache, mutilated bleeding heart and low sugar level, all the cranky bear wants is to have a nice huge plate of warm food, a refreshing shower and crawl into bed.

But NOOOOOOOOOO, the kids have their agenda. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. They want to play. They play and shriek and laugh. Noise noise. And they climb on things and scatter their toys all over the floor. Mess mess. And then they fight and scream and cry. And even though you buy everything in twos, exact identical cloned tissue cultured toys all in twos so they wont fight, they still fight. Because ‘his one’ is almost always better than ‘my one’. Fight fight. And the big one spills milk on the floor. And the little one have a huge poopoo mess. And they want things done their way, and they plant their feet firmly on the ground, hands on the hips and scream, I want I want I want or now now now. And the meal is still not ready.

Still, even under such circumstances, you cant make them shut down. You cant bundle them in a box and stash it under the bed. You cant scotch tape them. You cant wish or whisk them away. Make them disappear because you are not in the mood to be a parent? Not gonna happen, sweetheart. “Quiet!! Cant you see I have a headache?” No shweepea, they don’t see.

Kids are here to stay. You are the adult, so you have no choice but to be one. Your headaches, heartaches, fatigues, or all your other worries and ailments must take a temporary backseat. Just because you are too tired for the kids doesn’t mean you can just pretend they are not there. It is not fair to vent out on them. It is not fair to make them pay for your bad day. You cant want them only when you have the time. Kids are not cute all the time. They are humans too, just like you except they are littler in size. Oh and they can be very honest with their emotions. You cant make them dance to your tunes - you are no o-boy-o-boy-Barney! You cant only want them when they are dry and happy!

If you hit them everytime you get angry and you get angry often, isn’t that teaching them that it is okay to show anger by hitting people?

‘if you are angry at tokbak, do you hit him?’ asks the sister.
‘no’
‘why not?’
‘you cannot hit tokbak. It is wrong to hit tokbak’
‘why?’
‘because he is tokbak. He is big’
‘oh, we can only hit adik? Adik is small.’
‘no, you cant hit adik either.’
‘why?’
‘hitting people is bad. Big or small. Don’t hit adik, don’t hit anyone, okay?’
‘but you hit me’

Remember those days early in the marriage? You feel you must have kids to perfect your life? To seal the marriage or whatever crap people have as excuses to have children?

Well, they are here now. Life doesn’t feel so perfect anymore, issit? Too bad, but you cant ctrl-alt-del them. You can however, take better control of the situation, alternate with your spouse on the chores and delete any selfish thoughts.

To my friend Yani who is pregnant with her first child and my other friend Nett who has been longing for a kid for years now, i have no authority on the subject but what i know from my three-years-plus being a mom is that a child is a huge responsibility. They can be the racun, yes, but they are the most potent of anecdote too. To expect them to perfect your life is too huge a responsibility to put on them. They are but amanah and you are merely the trustee of the amanah. I am blessed that i get chosen for the job. At the best i am still a Trainee Mom. Under probation.

All i can say is, enjoy them kids. Enjoy the fights, the mess, the poopoo, the noise, the vomit, the sleepless nights, the constant worries, oh everything. Be comforted in knowing that they will only be that age once. I have never heard of anyone being 1 year old for many years (you can be 25 for many years though but that's beside the point). And you know what, you wont have reruns too. No second chance. No one and a half chance either.

One day, when they have all left the house, and you can sleep all you want and your house is as sterile clean as a test tube and as quiet as a tomb, guess who and what you will be missing? And at the rate time seems to be flying now, that one day will arrive sooner than you thought.

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23 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ood,

Oh all so TRUE.... nothing prepares you to be a parent and you mustn't expect kids to be PERFECT... kids will be kids and let them grow up to be their own person (with your guidance of course).

Aida - a novice mum of one opppss three ehhehe

6:36 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

aida,
from one apprentice to the other, good luck comrade!!

mother of four oopsss two, ;o)

11:15 PM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

How true!! Sometimes we want to freeze the time at a certain children age.

I and hubby are already ffeling the lonliness even when only one of them is away. Yet, next year another one may leave the nest. Then there will be the other one and the last one. ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!
Kenot tahan lah.

2:10 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

omigosh!! they're getting cuter and cuter!

listen oody, on the days when u feel like spanking em..send them over to my place! doncha just wish sometimes that they will stop growing so that they'll never stop adoring you and smothering you with innocent sweet kisses??

oh, looks like Sun has learnt a thing or two about being a MAN. That he must have control over the remote!!

2:53 AM  
Anonymous mar said...

Oh oh oh... gorgeous kids!
And... so true.

3:59 AM  
Blogger Ely said...

hehehehe, the kids are sooooooooo adorable!!!!!!! the little one has curly hair!!!! me love ur kids oody!

alah now u sigh and grunt. nanti si kecik dah besar sikit...sibuk u sondol2 ur abng nak lagi satu, like a cat in heat hehehehehe.

cayang u oody!

8:35 PM  
Anonymous atn said...

re yr current job: and you absconded as throne of the Sultanah of Serdang?

9:01 PM  
Blogger tee said...

oooo.. look at that innocent face and enjoy it till the next tantrum arrives.

me : a mother of 1 hero and 2 heroin (tapi perangai mcm hero gak) tu yang fening sokmo tu. :)

10:27 PM  
Blogger Maya said...

OOD!!! Lovely and I bet they are little thumbsize fellas, right? Remember I have seen both you and your Yamtuan so you can't lie :)

How can anyone so tiny be anything but adorable? You are exaggerating! OOD, we have to meet soon. C'mon let's nurture this friendship before it get's burried in kid's poo and vomit and whatever else. Yes?

Btw, how is mum? Send her my warmest regards.

4:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha so funny again. Just got back from poo-worth of work. lagi pening woooh. anyway your buntat pesan to use Font 26 as she can't read your post. To think that we are just 16++ as compared to her going to be only 24 come this 2 April.

10:13 AM  
Blogger sue said...

sungguh comeeell..... =)

6:51 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

auntyn,
sometimes i feel they grow too fast, sometimes too slow. Yep, i want to freeze time too, when they behave AND when they dont.

nanti auntyN and uncleN tinggal dorang, honeymoon le. Boleh buat adik lagi sorang dua buat teman teman.. ;o)

anedra,
my Dot has entered that phase where the teacher is more heroic than the mommy. Sigh... sad sad. But Sun still worships me! Woohooo!

the remote, yeah.. eh, Yamtuan uses remote control for ALL chores in the house, not just for switching tv channels. When he clicks, the kids and i go fetch!

mar,
can be a bit scary too, dontcha think? Nurture nurture nurture...

*shivers*

10:25 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

ely,
even now osso i am itching for another one. because baju maternity on sale and OMG lawa-lawa...

atn,
i still reign, i still reign but no more Sultanah of Serdang. kawasan jajahan empayar dah luas.

tee,
my first born a girl, so i thought aiyah... such an easy baby can have another one. Tibanya lelaki lasak omakkau type.. tetiputipa.

maya,
we MUST meet. I have grown taller since our last meeting, i swear! Oh, ok ok, my kids are thumb-sized, flea's thumb. And liliputian flea some more!

mom had prosthetics fitting last week. She should be able to walk again in maybe a few more months, God willing. Thanks.

imp,
it's amazing how some people get aged ya? Mwahahaha.. tell her to use specs, it is about time. 2nd April add one more year ya? Poor makcik. Eh, how's your supervisor? Heard things are pretty bad over there?

sue,
;o) Ohhhh honey, you havent seen ME yet...

10:47 PM  
Blogger born-again drama queen said...

masyaAllah! comelnya bebudak ni..sedap kalau di gigit gitu..
oo kiddy of oody,Beware! though shalt not be spared the bites from aunty nef..muahaahaa!

1:12 AM  
Blogger Irfan Dzahier said...

Ood,
Cherished the time, my eldest starting to prepare for his hostel life. Than I thought of getting big MPV but my friend told me to hold on to it cause soon the MPV will be empty. In before you know it, Kancil will be the car you drive with ur spouse and nomore mess in car, shuting under the heavy traffic.

No more scattered toys in the house. No more messing with food.

PARENTING is natural. Follow the teaching and be strict to the child. Physical scolding or rotan only for 7 year old to 10. After that you are not cool anymore.

No matter how heavy the day be, enjoy your home with the kids. Be the kid yourself, you'll see you'll be a cool mom yourself.

If Dot told you teacher is cool than ask her what she taught? then told her she should thaught you that as you don't know about it and she will show you. This just to make sure your kids will talk to you even if they are older.

Cheers..happy parenting..me I am strict but fun to my kids.

2:40 AM  
Blogger MA said...

Hehehe...welcome to parenting world. You can check in anytime you like, but you can NEVER leave ! ala Hotel California ;-)

I love kids - I hope to have TEN kids. They can mess up the place anytime they like :-) They can beat each other up as long as they don't beat up any of "anak Mama" (yup - they get excited at one moment hearing this and confused the next second).

Enjoy them now - this is the easy part. The real headache comes 18 years later !

3:43 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

nefernoti,
hey... i had fun that day :o) Thank you loads and loads.

brader Irfan Dzahier,
whew... now that comment is a blog by itself! thanks.

Mak Andeh,
will they later stab me with their knives the Californian hotel way? Aiyoh.. die die..
You want 10? Umangggggg... i have two and my expiry date terus reduce by half. On their good days, I dont mind having 10 of them but on some mad mad days, i want 10 of me.

8:54 PM  
Blogger bergen said...

Salute to career mothers like you, ma'am.

9:07 PM  
Blogger Lollies said...

and despite all the naughtiness, when they are asleep you look down at their calm face, you thank god for this rezeki you are bestowed. Indeed merekalah penghibur hatiku. cewah

6:37 AM  
Blogger maklang said...

Assalamualaikum Ood,

First time here...

They'll be grown ups before you know it. Take thing easyly and enjoy it while you can....

I am a mother to 4 kids between 13 to 5. But at times I feel like I have 14, at times!!!

2:18 AM  
Blogger RedKebaya said...

Hi OOD, you really nailed it... huge huge responsibility 'em kids but bundles & bundles of joy too. mmg a sterile world w/out 'em :)

7:01 PM  
Anonymous ummu_khair said...

ood..love your posts so much..
had been following your writing since last year.. enjoyed it and sometimes feel as if you're writing about me..hahaha life as a career mom, sama je ye.. keep on writing ood.. don't stop. you won't know whose life you're cheering up at the moment with it

10:38 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

bergen,
oh i exaggerate a lot. That's all.
*blush*

lollies,
eh u have to teach how to make them behave as well as your kids. The carrot or the whip? What's in the middle?

maklang,
i always see you at Jokontan's site.

They are SUCH potent racun and penawar, arent they?

redkebaya,
next year i plan to have one more of that bundle of noise and mess. And then i'll complaint about the amount of work and pollution they cause and then year after that i get another one.. We mothers dont learn, do we? And delightful lessons kids are anyways!

Ummu Khair,
i get that sometimes from reading other blogs too. Funny how some lives are so similar yet diferent. And i quote Will Smith, read and we'll know that all our trials and tribulations others have survived through it before us. They are really no big deal at all. Will Smith, i tell you!

7:58 PM  

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