Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Harapan Kecewa

That I am a huge fan of Datuk Ahmad Jais has been proven empirically, validated and is the Seventh Law of Thermodynamics. There is now one particular song of his that I listen to, day in day out. The title is ‘Harapan Keciwa’. True, it is a blood-dripping, tears-streaming kinda song – very depressing, but it befits my very mood right now. I can SO relate to it.

My own harapan, hope, has been keciwa, crushed since last 25 Saturday.

I thought, my next post after the Updates, would be just an enlarged pix of the driving license I was supposed to get. Keciwa.

I was hoping that this would be the week where I could be shopping for my first batmobile. Keciwa.

Blood-dripping, tears-streaming kind of keciwa. Keciwa of the highest order.

Of course I was nervous last 25th. Who wouldn’t be. But I wasn’t THAT nervous, you see.

I sat waiting for my turn, in a row with a group of teenage girls. We sat there pacifying each other while sizing up the JPJ officers. There were a few that we dreaded. One was especially so. He was kojak-bald, face hard as granite with a smirk and a frown carved. Tengok muka pon dah takut.

From about 3 metres away, he pointed his finger at me.

Instinctively I pointed to the girl sitting next to me. She crouched down. No, the Granite mouthed. He pointed at me again. Well, I know, some girls do find bald guys sexy and maybe they are. But come on, Granite is not just a guy, he’s a JPJ guy. Bald JPJ guy is NOT sexy, okay. Scary tau.

Cursing my luck, I went to him. Sat meekly in the driver’s seat and started to fidget with the mirrors and signals. Yamtuan told me to NOT open up the engine compartment or kick the tyres, so I didn’t. Put on seatbelt, stepped on the clutch, put the car in gear one and released the handbrake. Granite continued to sulk next to me.

‘Encik’ I said.
‘Kalau orang dah bawak kereta bertahun-tahun pun, kalau encik JPJ duduk sebelah, dia gelabah tau.’

Granite made a throaty sound. I think that was a laugh, but I couldn’t be sure.

‘Umur dah banyak, kenapa baru nak ambik lesen?’ he asked. Oooooh, Granite is making attempts to small-talk!

‘Syarat kenaikan pangkat, Encik’

And we chatted. Many times I noticed that he brake-brake. Hehe… At one point though, he asked me if I could speed up a little bit. I was already driving at 30 km/j! But how can I not listen to JPJ kan? So I rempit after that to 40 km/j.

When we arrive back at the circuit, he handed me my results. LULUS at 17/20 i.e 85%. CGPA 3.75. Candidate for Anugerah Khas Juri.

The bukit test I did perfectly. Balance all okay. And result was LULUS.

Then side parking. My teacher, Cikgu Mus told me to take my time. Man-man. Just don’t hit any poles, he said. So I took my time. Lepak. Man-man. And parked perfectly.But when the result was handed to me, it said GAGAL. Why, because, mengambil masa terlalu lama iaitu 6 minit. Apparently, the time given was only 5 minutes!

Keciwa lah kan. Where can fail? Especially when I know that there are plenty of non-side parkings out there. And it's not like i will endanger any one, kan? The issue will be just between me and an empty parking space. A parking space is un-annoyable. If i take 6 minutes, or 60 minutes, only my passengers will be annoyed (but they are MY passengers kan, not anyone else's), but at the end of the day, i dont think the situation is life-threatening (unless the passenger is Yamtuan and 60-minutes makes him want to throttle me dead).

I will re-sit and re-face bald JPS next Monday.

In the meantime, come berdarahdarah with me:-

Bila kukenang kurenung
Remuk redam rasa tak tertanggung
Harapan bahagia nan menggunung
Terhampar hanyut terapung

Harapan untuk bersama
Mendirikan istana asmara
Berpadu kasih erat dan setia
Kiranya tak terlaksana

Harapanku kecewa
Dalam manis madu kata-kata
Dengan pujukan yang hanya dusta
Aku terpedaya

Alam sekeliling membisu
Tak sepatah kata nan merayu
Hanya aku menanggung derita pilu
Tak seorang pun yang tahu


Blogger Roti Kacang Merah said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:12 PM  
Blogger Roti Kacang Merah said...

hehehehehehe funny la yew! hey i ting if you send this entry to Granite am almost pretty sure he'll re-consider the 1-minute extra side-parking thing coz reading through that 1-minute-extra failure sounds a tad too incredulous, no?

tak pe, senin depan dapat batmobile, yeeehaaaar

11:13 PM  
Blogger Hjh Esah Jolie said...

shapo lah bagi nasihat puako tu? Org JPJ ni, kalau lelambek bawak keto..mako dipangkah eh lah...

But thank fully, hanya satu aje. Den dulu first time, dengan naik bukit fail, 3 point turn fail...toghuk den kono leter mo abah den...(geh dio lak yang kojo JPJ)

3:45 AM  
Blogger tajudin said...

side parking memang susah kak. orang yang dah berkurun ada lesen pun parking macam siot je...

6:19 AM  
Blogger Desert Rose said...

Tak pe , its not d end of the world .... Thank God u didnt fail d jalanraya nye test, if not berchenta la nak redo the test again.

Masa i took mine, ada gak nasihat puaka suruh jgn ngaku dah kawin. So I did that. Pastu apa lagi, bersama kertas keputusan tu. brader selit sekali no phonenya ceh ceh, i pun terpaksa la senyum gatai (terpaksa, sb tak ensem, kalau ensem suka rela lah)

Sometime later jumpe brader tu balik kat Mall, dah I jaln ngan my hubby and my son ha ha. Dia tanya ni sapa ?? I jwb Baru kawin bulan lepas bang, ni my husband. Abiss ank aku tu dah 2 tahun masa tuh, adussss.
Anyway best of Luck !!!!!!

8:26 PM  
Blogger dith said...


So you only have to repeat the side parking je la kan?

Hmm...minggu ni kalau nampak a petite lady getting in and out of side parkings after another, kira Ood la tu, :p

1:41 AM  
Blogger dith said...

Btw Tajudin, apasal saya rasa yang siot tu adalah saya? hehe

1:42 AM  
Blogger drbubbles said...

Madam OOD: dah bertahun-tahun gue dapat lesen,side-parking still the hardest one.

But please don't give up.

3:56 AM  
Blogger Nazrah Leopolis said...

ada la berbelas belas tawon dulu, i took my test, semua ok. last bit getting out of the L parking sbb dah gumbira sangat, tercium tiang sikit...GAGAL!

kek melako, fail ari ni, esok boleh retest. nasib baik....

good luck ood.

p.s: my blog is no more. time to move on.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Jeritan Rakyat Marhaen said...

Dear Ood.

Really la.. you must be the Odd One. I tot I dah beli a new car then bleh la you drive me. This one big MPV car you know. Pasal my wife is expecting anytime soon for our 5th. And my eldest baru dapat 5A UPSR tau.


10:17 AM  
Blogger OOD said...

roti kacang merah,

just occured to me that maybe he wanted me to belanja him kopi? I would too! Ahad ni i will have an hour of practice, then Isnin will be the test. Selasa nak ambik cuti for batmobile shopping lah (motivasi diri, hehe).

Kak Hajah,
mano lah den tau JPJ nak dogheh yo sumo. Den takdo mak abah, tapi yamtuan ado. Membising! Nipih tlingo, bodaghah hidung!

Tuan YB,
side parking satu hal lah susah, ada pulak JPJ buat muka cuka kat depan. Stress Taraf Langit.

Desert Rose,
hehehe... i had a big laugh reading about your drama. I dont think mengaku bujang will work on all. If i were to tell Granite that i wasnt just Single, i was also Desperate, he probably would still give me a stone-face and no hp number. Not interested! Heheh..
And girl, i bet Abg JPJ tu frustonggeng. TAK BAIK TAU!

tak, kena repeat all three tests in the circuit, bukit, 3-point turn and side-parking. Tu yang maleh tu. Plus kena bayar extra a blooming RM190! I could have bought me at least one sport rim with that money!

Dr Buble,
u my friend kan? U macho man kan? if i give you the name of the JPJ, can you go talk to him a bit? You know, throw your weight around him a bit? Maybe you want to bring a bucket of red paint too for good measure?

nazrah leopolis,
the murphy's law lah sistah. If things can go wrong, they will. Repeat test kena bayar tak? One retest dah lulus terus? Sigh... my worry now is on monday, i lulus side parking but kantoi bukit or 3-point-turn pulak. Like i have a lot of RM190 to make the school richer!
eh, why you close shop? You take away my good reading material just like that ah? Where can?

Rakyat Marhaen,
vavava, new car, and new family member soon. Which first? buy bigger car because family expanding or have bigger car now might as well expand family? Tahniah bro!
Wait seminit lah, nanti i drive you around town and show you my speedskills. At baby's department, you know i am not even trying to keep up with you?

5:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...i'm sure you'll get thru the side parking thing.

anyway...this article may help you understand the "real world" of driving in Malaysia. Good Luck


David Astley, an British/Ozzie guy!! now living in KL

A guide for expatriate drivers in Malaysia
Since arriving in Malaysia in 1997, I have tried on many occasions to buy a copy of the Malaysian road rules, but have come to the conclusion that no such publication exists (or if it does, it has been out of print for years). Therefore after carefully observing the driving habits of Malaysian drivers, I believe I have at last worked out the rules of the road in Malaysia . For the benefit of other expatriates living in Malaysia , and the 50% of local drivers who acquired their driving licences without taking a driving test, I am pleased to share my knowledge below:

Q: What is the most important rule of the road in Malaysia?
A: The most important rule is that you must arrive at your destination ahead of the car in front of you. This is the sacrosanct rule of driving in Malaysia. All other rules are subservient to this rule.

Q: What side of the road should you drive on in Malaysia?
A: 99.7% of cars drive on the left hand side, 0.2% on the right hand side, and 0.1% drive in reverse (be on the look out for drivers reversing at high speed in the left hand lane of freeways, having just missed their exit). Therefore on the basis of 'majority rules', it is recommended that you drive on the left. However, be aware that only 90% of motorcyclists travel on the left hand side - the other 10% ride in the opposite direction or on the sidewalk. Fortunately, motorcyclists travelling in reverse are rarely seen.

Q: What are the white lines on the roads?
A: These are known as lane markers and were used by the British in the colonial days to help them drive straight. Today their purpose is mainly decorative, although a double white line is used to indicate a place that is popular to overtake!

Q: When can I use the emergency lane?
A: You can use the emergency lane for any emergency, e.g. you are late for work, you left the toaster plugged in at home, you are bursting to go to the toilet, you have a toothache or you have just dropped your Starbucks coffee in your lap. As it is an emergency, you may drive at twice the speed of the other cars on the road.

Q: Do traffic lights have the same meaning as in other countries?
A: Not quite. Green is the same - that means 'Go', but amber and red are different. Amber means 'Go like hell' and red means 'Stop if there is traffic coming in the other direction or if there is a policeman on the corner'. Otherwise red means the same as green. Note that for buses, red lights do not take effect until five seconds after the light has changed.

Q: What does the sign 'Jalan Sehala' mean?
A: This means 'One Way Street' and indicates a street where the traffic is required to travel in one direc! tion. The arrow on the sign indicates the preferred direction of the traffic flow, but is not compulsory. If the traffic is not flowing in the direction in which you wish to travel, then reversing in that direction is the best option.

Q: What does the sign 'Berhenti' mean?
A: This means 'Stop', and is used to indicate a junction where there is a possibility that you may have to stop if you cannot fool the cars on the road that you are entering into thinking that you are not going to stop.

Q: What does the sign 'Beri Laluan' mean?
A: This means ' Give Way ', and is used to indicate a junction where the cars on the road that you are entering will give way to you provided you avoid all eye contact with them and you can fool them into thinking that you have not seen them.

Q: What does the sign 'Dilarang Masuk' mean?
A: This means 'No Entry'. However, when used on exit ramps in multi-storey car parks, it has an alternative meaning which is: 'Short cut to the next level up'.

Q: What does the sign 'Pandu Cermat' mean?
A: This means 'Drive Smartly', and is placed along highways to remind drivers that they should never leave more than one car length between them and the car in front, irrespective of what speed they are driving. This is to ensure that other cars cannot cut in front of you and thus prevent you from achieving the primary objective of driving in Malaysia , and that is to arrive ahead of the car in front of you. If you can see the rear number plate of the car in front of you, then you are not driving close enough.

Q: What is the speed limit in Malaysia?
A: The concept of a speed limit is unknown in Malaysia.

Q: So what are the round signs on the highways with the numbers 60, 80 and 110?
A: This is the amount of the 'on-the-spot' fine (in ringgits - the local currency) that you have to pay to the police if you are stopped on that stretch of the highway. Note that for expatriates or locals driving Mercedes or BMWs, the on-the-spot fine is double the amount shown on the sign.

Q: Where do you pay the 'on-the-spot' fine?
A: As the name suggests, you pay it 'on-the-spot' to the policeman who has stopped you. You will be asked to place your driving licence on the policeman's notebook that he will hand to you through the window of your car. You will note that there is a spot on the cover of the notebook. Neatly fold the amount of your fine into four, place the fine on the spot, and then cover it with your driving licence so that it cannot be seen. Pass it carefully to the policeman. Then, with a David Copperfield movement of his hands, he will make your money disappear. It is not necessary to applaud.

Q: But isn't this a bribe?
A: Oh pleeease, go and wash your mouth out. What do you want? A traffic ticket? Yes, you can request one of those instead, but it will cost you twice the price, forms to fill out, cheques to write, envelopes to mail, and then three months later when you are advised that your fine was never received, more forms to fill out, a trip to the police station, a trip to the bank, a trip back to the police station, and maybe then you will wish you had paid 'on-the-spot'.

Q: But what if I haven't broken any road rules?
A: It is not common practice in Malaysia to stop motorists for breaking road rules (because nobody is really sure what they are). The most common reasons for being stopped are:
(a) the policeman is hungry and would like you to buy him lunch;
(b) the policeman has run out of petrol and needs some money to get back
to the station;
(c) you look like a generous person who would like to make a donation to the police welfare fund; or
(d) you are driving an expensive car which means you can afford to make a donation to the police welfare fund.

Q: Does my car require a roadworthy certificate before I can drive it in Malaysia?
A: No, roadworthy certificates are not required in Malaysia. However there are certain other statutory requirements that must be fulfilled before your car can be driven in Malaysia. Firstly, you must ensure that your windscreen is at least 50% obscured with English football club decals, golf club membership stickers or condo parking permits. Secondly, you must place a tissue box (preferably in a white lace cover) on the back shelf of your car under the rear window. Thirdly, you must hang as many CDs or plastic ornaments from your rear vision mirror as it will support. Finally, you must place a Garfield doll with suction caps on one of your windows. Your car will then be ready to drive on Malaysian roads.

Q: What does a single yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means parking is permitted.

Q: What does a double yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means double parking is permitted.

Q: What does a yellow box with a diagonal grid of yellow lines painted on the road at a junction mean?
A: Contrary to the understanding of so me local drivers, this does not mean that diagonal parking is permitted. It indicates a junction that is grid-locked at peak hours.

Q: Can I use my mobile phone whilst driving in Malaysia?
A: No problem at all, but it should be noted that if you wish to use the rear-vision mirror to put on your lipstick (women only please) or trim your eyebrows at the same time as you are using a mobile phone in the other hand, you should ensure that you keep an elbow free to steer the car. Alternatively, you may place a toddler on your lap and have the child steer the car whilst you are carrying out these other essential driving tasks.

Q: Is it necessary to use indicator lights in Malaysia?
A: These blinking orange lights are commonly used by newly arrived expatriate drivers to indicate they are about to change lanes. This provides a useful signal to local drivers to close up any gaps to prevent the expatriate driver from changing lanes. Therefore it is recommended that expatriate drivers adopt the local practice of avoiding all use of indicator lights. However, it is sometimes useful to turn on your left hand indicator if you want to merge right, because this confuses other drivers enabling you to take advantage of an unprotected gap in the traffic.

Q: Why do some local drivers turn on their left hand indicator and then turn right, or turn on their right hand indicator and then turn left?
A: This is one of the unsolved mysteries of driving in Malaysia.

7:13 PM  
Blogger JoKontan said...

Madam Ooody.

I dun know, but I think, I must tell you this..

17/20 = 0.85 = 85%

If we take Four Flat, as full mark, you're just getting 3.4 CGPA.

That by itself, deserves a re sit !

Ha haaa haaaaaaaa. You make my weekend oredi..

Anyway, somewhere near LTAT building, at the corner of Chulan Square, there's this Hadramawt Restaurant.

The Lamb Mudani (hudani, kudani, apakanama..)is superrr.

12:37 AM  
Blogger shidah said...

hahahaha OOD...umur dah banyak, slow and steady la kan....

I dulu ambik test sekali je :) tak wajib ambik kelas driving, my father ajar pakai kereta buruk dia je. Masa test pakai keta Datsun 130Y (was it?) yang definitely lebih besar dari kancil.... and the result, gua memang terrer side parking! :) - kasi berbulu sama you....

morale of the story, sok Dot cukup umur je, suruh dia ambik lesen cepat-cepat, jgn tunggu umur dah banyak, cam omak dio...

Good Luck yo untuk esok! Tunggu post title GUMBIRA pulak...

4:53 AM  

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