Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Breast is Best

A cosmetic surgeon specialising in breasts, (and nothing else, apparently) said that he chose the subject as the pinnacle of his knowledge because, breasts are that part of women most women are most concerned about.

I disagree. Quietly, because nobody argues with a man who claims expertise in breastology. I especially don’t want to be told that my breasts need fixing (never mind if that is the truth).

Women only pay attention to their breasts because breasts seem to fascinate men so. Why the fascination, is a mystery to me.

Maybe because breasts are half/three-quarter/fully/barely hidden in cups. And whatever cuppy is equivalent to trophies.

Maybe because they are like stress balls – something to squeeze to either help relieve stress and muscle tension or to exercise the muscles of the hand. You know how some men can be so stressful most of the time. If it helps, why not, right?

The breasts are just parts of the body, or milk cartons in some cultures. The breasts hang out, loose, free and easy without men or beasts bothering them. Babies can take a swig anytime they wish to, the sun bathe the breasts to be as tanned as the back of one’s hands. Nothing sexual there at all.

Is it because the breasts are not hidden, not taboo therefore not fascinating?

What if breasts are flaunted around and never covered? What if the women all put their kneecaps instead in lacey push-up half cups and pretend to demurely hide them in plunging knee-line pants?

Will men then find kneecaps a HUGE turn-on, so much so that there will be cosmetic surgeons specialising in kneecaps? Maybe have silicones for kneecaps so they get larger than humanly possible? Have kneecap-creams to make them more supple and taut. And then, creams to colour kneecaps pink or brown. Special kinky bars where kneecaps go around naked. And car wash centers where the women all wear white thin pants (instead of white thin tees).

Some other mammals have 6 breasts!! But the males in the species don’t care for breasts! So she has six, big deal! Our men cant even deal with two!! Or is it because they come as identical twins, in twos instead of sixs that intrigued the hu-men? Bizarre.

Women worry about the health, size, texture, colour, shape, angle, topology, smell, flora fauna the whole zoo of their breasts simply because of the men. Your man likes breasts in cup G issit? Let's go see a surgeon and make him put tupperware inside your breasts. Your man will be happy, and you will suffer back ache. He likes what now? Perky breasts? There are creams invented especially for that. They cost an arm and two legs, and make you bleed through nose and ears. Never mind. Your man will be happy and you will be an OKU financially.

Because of this unexplainable fascination by men and women's neverending quest to please them, an industry to service and support the breasts flourish, and women became the consumer. Now, this is good for the economy. Am glad to know that the breasts pushed up figures.

So why stop there? Lets go to kneecaps!


Anonymous sitiaishah salim said...

Great essay as usual.
Kneecaps, hmmm.....but kneecaps cannot be squeezed?:))

11:55 PM  
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